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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    groundhog dont play.jpg :p


    :cool:_hr
     
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  2. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    If you live on the Gulf Coast, you understand:D
    positve note no mosquitos.jpg :pound:


    :cool:_hr
     
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  3. DikiJ

    DikiJ Elio Addict

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    That's terrible. He should have asked for two straws.
     
  4. Johnny Acree

    Johnny Acree Elio Addict

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    I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...
    ...and I still haven't received it.
     
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  5. Mark BEX

    Mark BEX Elio Aficionado

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    There was a genuine scam in Australia back in the 70's where a man advertised in the newspapers to send $5 and he would send information of "How to cut your bills in half, money back guarantee!".

    He posted the people back a pair of scissors with instructions ....

    Another well known one that a few would do in the days of checks, were mail order sex toy sales, people would send their check or money order, the scammer would bank the money but didn't have anything to sell, and would return a check to the people for the correct amount with a note that they were out of stock of that item. All 100% legitimate.

    ... so what was the scam? The returned check would be in the name of something like "S&M Sex Toys And Condoms Ltd", and numbers of people would be too embarrassed to bank the check having to write that out on the deposit slip!

    There's some clever people out there, lol!
     
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  6. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A man is driving through an English countryside when he sees a beautiful blonde woman, without a stitch of clothes on,
    running across a field with three men in white chasing her. The last man is carrying two bowling balls.
    He stops the man with the bowling balls and asks, "What's going on?"

    The man replies, "The blonde is a patient in a mental hospital over the hill. They can't keep clothes on her.
    Every couple of weeks she escapes and we have to chase her and bring her back."

    "What's with the bowling balls you're carrying," asked the man.

    "Oh, I caught her last week. This is my handicap," the man answered. ......................:shocked:...............:drum:................:first:
     
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  7. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A couple was lying in bed and the husband said to his wife, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

    The wife replied, "I'll miss you."
     
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  8. Mark BEX

    Mark BEX Elio Aficionado

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    A plane has lost all engines and is gliding down into the Atlantic with about 5 minutes to splashdown.

    A woman gets out of her seat and yells: "Well if this is my last few minutes, I want one of you men to make me feel like a real woman ...."

    A guy gets up out of his seat, takes of his shirt and says: "Here, iron this ...."
     
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  9. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    (Pssstttt in this joke Forum you can include the last word, that's what it's name is
    "Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )"
    So it's ok to include "Here, iron this bitch"
    Don't worry, you won't get in trouble for it.

    (That's an old joke)
     
  10. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A couple had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

    The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’”

    “Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’” ......:becky:.....
     
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