Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

If you live on the Gulf Coast, you understand

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[DikiJ]

One of the networks was looking for an emcee to host a new game show to be called Gross-Out. After interviewing dozens of mundane hopefuls, yet another guy was ushered in.
"What can you do?" the producer asked wearily.
"Watch this," the guy said. Then he took off his hat and vomited in it.
"What's so special about that?" asked the unimpressed producer.
The guy laughed and asked "Got a straw?"

That's terrible. He should have asked for two straws.

 

[Johnny Acree]

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...
...and I still haven't received it.

 

[Mark BEX]

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...
...and I still haven't received it.

There was a genuine scam in Australia back in the 70's where a man advertised in the newspapers to send $5 and he would send information of "How to cut your bills in half, money back guarantee!".

He posted the people back a pair of scissors with instructions ....

Another well known one that a few would do in the days of checks, were mail order sex toy sales, people would send their check or money order, the scammer would bank the money but didn't have anything to sell, and would return a check to the people for the correct amount with a note that they were out of stock of that item. All 100% legitimate.

... so what was the scam? The returned check would be in the name of something like "S&M Sex Toys And Condoms Ltd", and numbers of people would be too embarrassed to bank the check having to write that out on the deposit slip!

There's some clever people out there, lol!

 

[Coss]

A man is driving through an English countryside when he sees a beautiful blonde woman, without a stitch of clothes on,
running across a field with three men in white chasing her. The last man is carrying two bowling balls.
He stops the man with the bowling balls and asks, "What's going on?"

The man replies, "The blonde is a patient in a mental hospital over the hill. They can't keep clothes on her.
Every couple of weeks she escapes and we have to chase her and bring her back."

"What's with the bowling balls you're carrying," asked the man.

"Oh, I caught her last week. This is my handicap," the man answered. .....................................................

 

[Coss]

A couple was lying in bed and the husband said to his wife, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The wife replied, "I'll miss you."

 

[Mark BEX]

A plane has lost all engines and is gliding down into the Atlantic with about 5 minutes to splashdown.

A woman gets out of her seat and yells: "Well if this is my last few minutes, I want one of you men to make me feel like a real woman ...."

A guy gets up out of his seat, takes of his shirt and says: "Here, iron this ...."

 

[Coss]

(Pssstttt in this joke Forum you can include the last word, that's what it's name is
"Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )"
So it's ok to include "Here, iron this bitch"
Don't worry, you won't get in trouble for it.

(That's an old joke)

 

[Coss]

A couple had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’”

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’” ...........