Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A man is having his first proctologic exam. The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and said the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes.

As he waited, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor’s desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the doctor appeared, the man said, “Look Doc, this is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for,
and I know what the glove is for, but what’s the beer for?”

The doctor curses in exasperation, flung open the door, and yelled to his nurse. “Nurse! I said to bring me a butt light!”

 

[wjdom]

CORONA SONG
CORONA SONG
https://www.ctv.ca/Your-Morning/Vid...q0ZA7tQMDD3HBlQczkq14l6CeERU7CE8s&jwsource=cl

 

[Coss]

I'm still laughing, that was classic. Hat's off to wjdom for finding that jewel ……..................

 

[Coss]

Two migrants arrive in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," the other one replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the first migrant point to a hot-dog vendor and they both walk towards it. "Two dogs, please," says one of the migrants.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil.

Excited, the migrants hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs.’
One migrant unwraps the wrapper, stares at it for a moment, leans over to the other and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

 

[Coss]

On a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder said, "Looks as if I killed your dog."

"Sure does."

"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?"

"Well, I don't know."

"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."

"Sounds good."

The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting."

"I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog." …….

 

[Coss]

One day a man was eating dinner at his girlfriend’s parents. The dog was under his chair and it barked while he was holding in a fart.

This startled the man and caused him to rip a small fart. The mom said, "Fido!"

Since the dog was receiving the blame he decided to rip a huge one. Again the mother said, "Fido! Go Away!”

Seeing as the dog was continuing to receive the blame he let out a wet, loud, and/or possibly deafening fart.
Then his girlfriend said, “Fido, you heard mom, leave before he shits on you!"

 

[Coss]

A blind rabbit and blind snake bump into each other in the forest. The rabbit says, "Excuse me, I'm blind."

The snake replies, "That's okay, so am I. I got an idea. Let's rub up against each other so we know what we are?"

Reluctantly the rabbit agrees. The snake coiled around the rabbit, felt his long ears and bushy tail, and said, "Hey, you're a rabbit!"

It was then the rabbits turn. He felt the snake's fangs, ran down the snake's entire body, then felt the snake's rattler.
The rabbit jumped back quickly and hopped through the woods frantically screaming, "HE'S A LAWYER, HE'S A LAWYER!"

 

[Coss]

A 97 year old man visits his doctor and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.”

“Sir," replied the doctor, “you are 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?”

“You are darned right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want lowered!”

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

Holy Krap! Now this is scary!

_hr