I saw it for free on channel 1246 along with a few races
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
I don need no steenkin' N-95 mask... I'm a car guy!
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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe it will take a few inches off of your butt!"
His wife was not amused and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
"What the Hell is this?" he said to himself, as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?"
She replied with a snicker, "It's not talcum powder, it's Miracle Grow!" ……………….
.....................
Maybe it will take a few inches off of your butt!"
His wife was not amused and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
"What the Hell is this?" he said to himself, as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?"
She replied with a snicker, "It's not talcum powder, it's Miracle Grow!" ……………….
.....................
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Wow! Wotta relief!
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Forty men attended a counseling session to exchange views on their sex patterns after marriage.
After a short briefing, the counselor asked how many of them have sex with their wives only once a week. Half of the men raised their hands.
The counselor then asked how many have sex with their wives only once every two weeks.
Twelve of the remaining twenty men put up their hands, a little embarrassed.
"I presume then the rest of you do have sex with your wives only once a month?"
All, except for one of the remaining eight acknowledged.
The counselor turned his attention to this odd looking guy sitting at the corner of the class, giggling to himself.
"Sir, I am sorry to ask, but why are you still smiling since you are not enjoying the same frequency as the rest?"
To this the timid man said," Tonight is the night."...…………….
After a short briefing, the counselor asked how many of them have sex with their wives only once a week. Half of the men raised their hands.
The counselor then asked how many have sex with their wives only once every two weeks.
Twelve of the remaining twenty men put up their hands, a little embarrassed.
"I presume then the rest of you do have sex with your wives only once a month?"
All, except for one of the remaining eight acknowledged.
The counselor turned his attention to this odd looking guy sitting at the corner of the class, giggling to himself.
"Sir, I am sorry to ask, but why are you still smiling since you are not enjoying the same frequency as the rest?"
To this the timid man said," Tonight is the night."...…………….
A young woman went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said,
“You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with all these bats in my loft and attic at church.
I’ve tried everything - noise, spray, traps, cats – nothing seems to scare then away."
Another said, “Yeah, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry an in the attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away.”
The third said, “Well, I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!”...………....….…...
“You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with all these bats in my loft and attic at church.
I’ve tried everything - noise, spray, traps, cats – nothing seems to scare then away."
Another said, “Yeah, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry an in the attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away.”
The third said, “Well, I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!”...………
....….…...
My husband made me mad today so I poured some water in front of the washer.
He’s been in there for 2 hours trying to fix the washer.
He’s been in there for 2 hours trying to fix the washer.
There are two old guys sitting in a retirement home talking about there indignity of growing old.
The first old man said, "My hands shake so bad that this morning when I was shaving, I cut myself in four places!"
The second old man said, "That’s nothing, this morning when I was taking a piss, I came three times!" ……..
The first old man said, "My hands shake so bad that this morning when I was shaving, I cut myself in four places!"
The second old man said, "That’s nothing, this morning when I was taking a piss, I came three times!" ……..