Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.
He stopped in front of the holy water, sprinkled some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran to the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
"Tell me, where is this man now?"

“Flat on his back! Over by the holy water."

 

[Coss]

A couple is riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.
The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."

"Good idea," she says.
"While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."

"Yes sir," says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question?
If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

 

[Jeff H]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

 

[Coss]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

 

[Coss]

 

[ross]

Little boy sitting on a street corner with a bottle of liquid in his hand, he'd shake it up and look at the bubbles. A catholic comes by and asks ;what do you have there young man?' Little boy says 'this here is the most powerful liquid in the world, this here's turpentine.' Catholic priest says 'oh no young man the most powerful liquid in the world is holy water, well you take two drops of holy water and put it on a pregnant ladys belly and she'll pass a baby boy. The young boy responds 'that ain't nothing, you take two drops of turpentine and put it on a cats a$$ and he'll pass a motorcycle.

 

[Coss]

this is me, not laughing.

 

[Ekh]

A frog goes in to a bank looking for a loan, he goes up a loan officer named Patty Black and she tells him that he needs some sort of collateral, he pulls a figurine out of his pocket and gives it to her, she tells the frog she needs to talk to the branch manager, she goes into the managers office shows him the figurine and says 'a frog just came into the bank wanting a loan using this as collateral and I don't even know what it is.' The manager takes one look at it and says 'that's a nick nack Patty Black, give the frog a loan.'

50 years old if it's a day.

 

[Ty]

This is me laughing!

I like how the George Carlin thing says "...half of them are stupider than that."

It's funny because it should be "...half of them are more stupid than that." Well, it can be both ways but grammatically, it is more correct using 'more stupid'. Or is it correcter?

 

[Ekh]

This is me laughing!

I like how the George Carlin thing says "...half of them are stupider than that."

It's funny because it should be "...half of them are more stupid than that." Well, it can be both ways but grammatically, it is more correct using 'more stupid'. Or is it correcter?

And besides, he's talking about the median, not the mean (average). So maybe Carlin's stupider than that, or was.