Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Ty]

"Older"

You're older than you've ever been
And now you're even older
And now you're even older
And now you're even older
You're older than you've ever been
And now you're even older
And now you're older still

Time is marching on
And time is still marching on

This day will soon be at an end
And now it's even sooner
And now it's even sooner
And now it's even sooner
This day will soon be at an end
And now it's even sooner
And now it's sooner still

You're older than you've ever been
And now you're even older
And now you're even older
And now you're even older
You're older than you've ever been
And now you're even older
And now you're older still

 

[Ty]

My daughter! told me this one.

If Bruce Willis OD'd on Viagra, would he Die Hard?

 

[Ty]

Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on hie feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a ...



Super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

 

[Johnny Acree]

I always wondered what the heck they were singing about.

 

[Ty]

I always wondered what the heck they were singing about.

LOL. I know, right?

 

[bighammer]

Come on, man! I've got 4 girls... 3 still at home ranging from 17 down to 6. I have two extremes... bad jokes and bad jokes. Or, another way to classify those.... guy jokes and dad jokes.
(at least I don't tell the same 4 knock-knock jokes over and over and over and over and over...)

Nothing wrong with knock-knock jokes. I think the inventor should get a no-bell prize.

 

[Ty]

Nothing wrong with knock-knock jokes. I think the inventor should get a no-bell prize.

LOL... I'll definitely use that one tonight!

 

[Coss]

Nothing wrong with knock-knock jokes. I think the inventor should get a no-bell prize.

 

[Ekh]

Bubba and Billy Bob are out hunting the first day of deer season. They’re in the woods bordering the county highway, just a mile or so from town, and so far no luck. They’re talking about wives, and hunting, the usual stuff. “How’s Sally Mae?” asks Billy Bob. “I’m surprised she let you go , feeling poorly an all.” Bubba says, “well, she didn’t say nuthin when I left the house, so here I am.”

They’re headed back, in sight of the car, and a passing funeral procession, is just passing by. Suddenly an 8-pointer is standing there, a trophy shot. Bubba raises his gun, then slowly lowers it. And poof! The buck is gone.

Billy Bob is deeply impressed. “I ain’t never seen you do sumpin’ like that. You getting religion in your old age, or what?” Bubba says, “Naw. That buck was a beauty, but it ain’t that. Did you see the string of cars over yonder? That was Sally Mae’s funeral, so I figger I owed her some respect., even if it is the first day of huntin’ season.”

 

[Coss]

A magical frog is walking through the forest.
He comes upon a bear and a rabbit.
He says, "Since you are the first creatures I have seen, I will grant you each three wishes."

The bear goes first and says, "I wish I was the only male bear in the whole forest."
The rabbit says, "I wish for a helmet."

Poof they got their wish.

For the bear’s second wish, "I wish I was the only male bear in the whole country."
The rabbit says, "I wish for a motorcycle."

Poof they got their wish.

For the bear's last wish, "I wish I was the only male bear in the WHOLE world."
The rabbit makes his last wish by saying, "I wish the bear was gay."

Then he strapped on his helmet got on the motorcycle and rode away.