Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let’s go to my apartment, I hear somebody coming."

He followed her into her apartment. She closed the door and leaned against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears?!?!? Look at these breasts! They are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my buns are firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me." ..........................................................

 

[Coss]

Writing on a bathroom wall…

Some come here to shit and stink.

Some come here to sit and think.

Some come here to scratch their balls,

But I come here to write on walls! .............................................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Little Sally accidentally walks in on her father going to the bathroom. Shocked, she runs to her mother and cries,
“Mommy, Mommy! Daddy has a big fat ugly worm hanging out of his wee-wee!”

That’s not a worm, sweetie,” comforts the mother. “That’s a very important part of daddy’s body.
If daddy didn’t have one of those, you wouldn’t be here. And now that I think about it … neither would I.”

 

[hawg_ryder]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750″
Man – “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” Boy – “$1,000″ The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.” ...


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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Shirley and Sophie are elderly widows. One day they see a new, nice looking guy come into the indoor swimming pool of the building they live in.

Sophie says, "Shirley, you know I'm shy. Can you go over to the other side of the pool and try to get to know about that guy."

Shirley goes over to the other side and asks the guy, "Are you single?"

"Yes, but I been in prison."

"Why?"

"I strangled my third wife."

"What about your second wife?"

"I got in a fight with her, and she fell out the window."

"And your first wife?"

"I shot her."

Then Shirley calls to the other side to Sophie and says, "Yoo hoo, he's single!" ..............................................

 

[Coss]

A romantic lady sent a text to her lover saying, "If you are sleeping, send me your dream. If you are crying, send me your tears.
If you are smiling, send me your happiness!"

The lover replied, "I am in the toilet." ............................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

Use the Force!


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[hawg_ryder]

Live Long and Prosper!


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