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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?"
She continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?"
She continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Hello Father...
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii
on their holidays.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them ......They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
_hr
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them ......They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs.
I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
cheerio lads_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
The science teacher stands in the front of the class and says, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?”
Little Peter raises his hand and says, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porch.”
The teacher nods, and then calls on little Sally, who says, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Maserati.”
The teacher smiles, and then calls on Little Johnny. Johnny stands up and says, “I would want silicone.”
“Silicone? Why silicone?”
“Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”........
........
Little Peter raises his hand and says, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porch.”
The teacher nods, and then calls on little Sally, who says, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Maserati.”
The teacher smiles, and then calls on Little Johnny. Johnny stands up and says, “I would want silicone.”
“Silicone? Why silicone?”
“Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”........
........
Two 5 year-old boys are standing at the toilet, getting ready to pee. One says, "Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it."
"I've been circumcised," the other one says.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off at the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mum said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?"
"You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year!"................
...............
..................
................
................
"I've been circumcised," the other one says.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off at the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mum said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?"
"You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year!"................
.................................................................
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Damn Skippy!_hr