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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Keith Dahl, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    mmm mmmmm good!:p Redneck Sushi...
    redneck sushi.jpg :pound:


    :cool:_hr
     
    Slarteebarrfast and Coss like this.
  2. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrived at the counter.
    The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home.
    He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asked.

    The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."

    He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says,
    "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” as she processes his social security application.

    When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says,
    "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too." ..............:(...........:shocked:.......................:drum:
     
  3. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    Senior wisdom...
    senior wisdom rules.jpg :D


    :cool:_hr
     
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  4. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    That was great! I can fit about (or at least) half of those.
    Oh drat, I forgot what I was going to say.....dduuuhhhhhhhhhhhh <:becky: :becky:>
     
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  5. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Impressionable and eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the energetic young preacher raised himself to full height and leaned over the pulpit.

    With his booming voice he said, “Brothers and sisters,
    "If there are any among you who have committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mowf!”
     
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  6. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    star wars stormtroopers pew pew.jpg :laser:



    :cool:_hr
     
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  7. hawg_ryder

    hawg_ryder Elio Addict

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    Yes kiddies... the good ol' days!:p
    engine tuning before laptops and chips.jpg :pound::peace:



    :cool:_hr
     
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  8. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife lying in bed naked
    with large hickies all over her neck and red welts all over her breasts.

    She had obviously been ravaged in a moment of passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the
    night stand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, “What is going on here, who did this to you?"

    His wife calmly and innocently said, “No one Doug, whenever I try to smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"
     
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  9. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    A woman visited the doctor. She was waking up every morning feeling awful and only felt better after throwing up.

    “Well, Mrs. Douglas,” the doctor said, “I’ve got some good news for you.”

    “It’s Miss Douglas,” she corrected the doctor. “I’m single.”

    “Oh,” said the doctor, “well, then maybe this news isn’t so good.” .................:confused:.........................:becky:..................:drum:
     
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  10. Coss

    Coss Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls.

    As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, “ Sir, if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

    The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have had a seat today."
     

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