Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

Jake and Jim are chatting at the beach.
Jake asks Jim how come he is always so popular with the women.
Jim explains, "I find a big potato and put it down my swim trunks and that’s my secret."

A few days later they meet again on the beach and Jake says, "I tried what you said, but all they do is look at me in disgust."

Jim replies, "Yes, but you are supposed to put it in the front, not the back!"....................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

and this one is just right...

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[Mark BEX]

I am chasing a longer dipstick if someone has one, mine seems to be getting shorter and shorter over time, and barely reaches the oil anymore ...

 

[Coss]

Which motor? I have a couple laying around from 4 cylinder, and a few from older V engines (like V6 and a few V8) they are extras from old projects that froze up; still can't figure out why they did that, but had a hell of a knock before they blew the motors. And they got really hot, still trying to figure out what happened to them. They blew the seals out before they quit. Still can't figure out what happened to them.

 

[Coss]

Two hunters go moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they come up with a foolproof plan.
They get a very authentic female moose costume and learn the mating call of a female moose.
The plan is to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, don their costume and begin to give the moose love-call.
Before long, their call is answered as a bull comes crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull is close enough, the guy in front says, "Okay, let’s get out and get him!"

After a moment that seems like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself!" ...............................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

So let it written, so let it be said...

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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

An extremely drunk man looking for a brothel stumbles into a podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist.
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.”

Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pull out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain.

“That’s not a foot!” screams the receptionist.

“Hey lady, I didn’t know you had a minimum!”......................................................

 

[Coss]

A little girl was told off for wetting herself in class.

"Why didn't you put your hand up", asked the teacher?

"I did, but it kept running out."