Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

I loved the 3rd one, took me a second, but I did get it, the 2nd one is great, would like to know where it's located.
and the first one about the Roos is great, and very fitting .................

 

[Coss]

Signs that you are too drunk:

You wake up with a traffic cone between your legs.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

You go to donate blood and they ask what proof it is.


I remember those days, sort of, but not any more, glad I've moved on, would have been dead by now, but I've gotten better .....

 

[hawg_ryder]

Signs that you are too drunk:

You wake up with a traffic cone between your legs.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

You go to donate blood and they ask what proof it is.


I remember those days, sort of, but not any more, glad I've moved on, would have been dead by now, but I've gotten better .....

1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila...
Floor!

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN TEXAS ....
1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Texas.
4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5) Onced" and "Twiced" are words..
6) It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
7) "Jawl-P?" means, "Did y'all go to the bathroom?"

People actually grow and eat okra.
9) "Fixinto" is one word.
10) There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper...
11) Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar..
12) Backwards and forwards means, "I know everythin' 'bout you.
13) The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
14) You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is.. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see...
15) You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH 'em.
16) You measure distance in hours.
17) You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
18) All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
19) You know what a "Dawg" is.
20) You carry jumper cables in your car - for your own car.
21) You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony Chachere's, Tabasco, and Tex Joy Steak Seasoning.
22) The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and local football...
23) You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
24) You find 100 degrees "a bit warm."
25) You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
26) Going to Walmart is a favorite past time known as "Goin' Walmartin" or "off to Wally World."
27) You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather..
28) Fried catfish is the other white meat.
29) We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
30) You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.



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[Johnny Acree]

I'm in north georgia and growin up that hole lunch, dinner and supper confused the crap out of me. Still a little fuzzy on it, and don't even get me started on brunch!

Oh! I am glad there is still life in this forum.

 

[Coss]

Just in parts, just in little parts, but yes, it's still kickin....

The bad part is, I'm a northerner, and know most of the Texas terms.....guess that month I spent in Houston must have taken root in my brain..

 

[Mel]

I'm in north georgia and growin up that hole lunch, dinner and supper confused the crap out of me. Still a little fuzzy on it, and don't even get me started on brunch!
Oh! I am glad there is still life in this forum.

Brunch was invented by some yankee or kommiformian that's too lazy to get up int time for breakfast.