Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice, picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time. ...................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through
the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated
.38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your
Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a
couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed
with another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?


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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

Semper Fi!


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[hawg_ryder]

I bet ya didn't know this...

......


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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Been there, done that.
More then a couple times (-shame-)

 

[Coss]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other one's a fish!

 

[Coss]

One day, a stunningly attractive woman walks into a doctor's office. As soon as the doctor lays his eyes on her,his professionalism goes right out the window.
He asks her to take off her pants. He asks her to sit on the table and when she does, he starts firmly rubbing her thighs.
He asks her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

She replies, "Checking for abnormalities."

Then, he tells her to take off her shirt and bra, and she does as she is told and he starts rubbing her breasts.
Again he asks, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Checking for cancer," she replies.

Then he instructs her to take her panties off, and after she does, he lays her back, pulls off his pants and underwear,
jumps up on top of her and begins to have sex with her. Once again, "Do you know what I am doing?"
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Then, the woman answers, "Checking for herpes, that's what I am here for."

 

[Coss]

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer are asked, "How much is two plus two?"

"Four," says the housewife.

"I think it’s either three or four," says the accountant. "Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights, and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?" ...............................