hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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This girl saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at the Elmo manufacturing factory, in the Tickle-Me-Elmo department.
She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was boring.
The girl begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up.
The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was.
When he arrived there, the girl was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager angrily said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test-tickles, NOT two testicles!'' ......................................
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She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was boring.
The girl begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up.
The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was.
When he arrived there, the girl was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager angrily said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test-tickles, NOT two testicles!'' .....................
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The creation of pussy...
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee.
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt. ..........................................
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Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee.
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt. .............................
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
“Okay, let’s give it a try."
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At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
“Okay, let’s give it a try."
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Four doctors were talking to each other about who was the best patient to operate on.
The first doctor said, "The best person to operate on are librarians cause everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Disagreeing, the second doctor announced that mechanics were the best to operate on because they understand if you've got parts
left over when you’re done.
The third Doctor replied, “No, no, you are both wrong. A technician is the best cause everything inside is color coded."
"Excuse me!” broke in the fourth doctor, “The best to operate on are politicians.
They have no guts, no spine, and the head and rear are interchangeable." .......
The first doctor said, "The best person to operate on are librarians cause everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Disagreeing, the second doctor announced that mechanics were the best to operate on because they understand if you've got parts
left over when you’re done.
The third Doctor replied, “No, no, you are both wrong. A technician is the best cause everything inside is color coded."
"Excuse me!” broke in the fourth doctor, “The best to operate on are politicians.
They have no guts, no spine, and the head and rear are interchangeable." .......
Little Johnny was very curious, and one day he decided to sneak into a strip club to see what it was like.
He waited until the bouncer’s back was turn and scurried quietly to the front of the club, where he watched the strippers dance.
When they had removed nearly all of their clothing, he bolted out the door and ran down the street as fast as he could.
He was running so fast he smacked right into a man and fell back on his bottom.
“What’s wrong young man?” asked the adult. “You look like you just saw a ghost!”
“My mommy and daddy told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I’d turn to stone.
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Well I was watching two ladies and all of a sudden I felt something hard!” ...........................................................................
He waited until the bouncer’s back was turn and scurried quietly to the front of the club, where he watched the strippers dance.
When they had removed nearly all of their clothing, he bolted out the door and ran down the street as fast as he could.
He was running so fast he smacked right into a man and fell back on his bottom.
“What’s wrong young man?” asked the adult. “You look like you just saw a ghost!”
“My mommy and daddy told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I’d turn to stone.
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Well I was watching two ladies and all of a sudden I felt something hard!” ......................
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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