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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
JBar??? That's a first we've seen from you. Way to go!!
One night, a man and his wife were watching TV. It was about breast implants. The wife said, ”I wish I had bigger breast.”
The man said, ”You don’t have to get silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper.”
"How would that work?" asked the wife.
The man said, "Well, you have been wiping your butt for 50 years and it's gotten bigger." ................
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The man said, ”You don’t have to get silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper.”
"How would that work?" asked the wife.
The man said, "Well, you have been wiping your butt for 50 years and it's gotten bigger." ................
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A Blonde and a Brunette are going to rob a bank. The day before the robbery the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Do you remember the plan?"
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Well let's go over it," says the Brunette.
The day of the robbery the Brunette insists that they go over the plan again so they do. "You have 5 Minutes," says the Brunette.
Twenty minutes go by and finally the Blonde comes out of the bank dragging the safe by a rope she tied to it.
The security guard comes running out with his pants around his ankles reaching for is gun.
The blonde says, "Fuck this," she lets go of the safe, and runs to the car.
They are driving away and the Brunette screams, "YOU IDIOT! I TOLD YOU TO TIE UP THE SECURITY GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!!!"
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Well let's go over it," says the Brunette.
The day of the robbery the Brunette insists that they go over the plan again so they do. "You have 5 Minutes," says the Brunette.
Twenty minutes go by and finally the Blonde comes out of the bank dragging the safe by a rope she tied to it.
The security guard comes running out with his pants around his ankles reaching for is gun.
The blonde says, "Fuck this," she lets go of the safe, and runs to the car.
They are driving away and the Brunette screams, "YOU IDIOT! I TOLD YOU TO TIE UP THE SECURITY GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!!!"
finally a guide to help us "Fall Back"
I like the Oven and the Car Radio, Actually mine are pretty easy, but I had older ones that fit that description.
And it's another banner day for the one and only JEBar !!!!!!!
And it's another banner day for the one and only JEBar !!!!!!!
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake. The owner of the farm shouted: "Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars. The silence was deafening.
Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!".
After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!"
His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!"
Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push" ...
_hr
Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!".
After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!"
His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!"
Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push" ...
_hr
A huge guy marries a tiny girl. At the wedding, one of his friends asks him, “How the hell do the two of you have sex?"
The groom says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."
“You know, that doesn’t sound too bad," his friend says.
The big guy says, "Yeah well, it’s like jerking off... only I got someone to talk to." ...................
The groom says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."
“You know, that doesn’t sound too bad," his friend says.
The big guy says, "Yeah well, it’s like jerking off... only I got someone to talk to." ...................
One day third graders were having a sex-ed class. The instructor held up a picture and asked if any body knew what it was. No one said anything.
Finally one little boy spoke up and said, ”I know what it is. It’s a penis."
Surprised, the teacher asked,” How do you know that?"
The little boy said,” Well my daddy has two. He uses one to pee and one to brush the babysitter's teeth." ............................
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Finally one little boy spoke up and said, ”I know what it is. It’s a penis."
Surprised, the teacher asked,” How do you know that?"
The little boy said,” Well my daddy has two. He uses one to pee and one to brush the babysitter's teeth." ............................
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The farmer goes to town one day, and runs across his old buddy who is a tractor sales man. "How is it going?" asks the farmer.
"Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in two weeks" said the salesman. "How is it going with you?"
"Not so good," replied the farmer. "The other night I went out to milk my cow.
First she tried to kick me with her right leg so I tied her leg to the right side of the stall.
Then she tried to kick me with her left leg, so I tied that to the left side of the stall.
Then she swatted me with her tail so I tied that to the ceiling. Then my wife walked in.
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So if you can convince her I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!" ..................................................................
"Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in two weeks" said the salesman. "How is it going with you?"
"Not so good," replied the farmer. "The other night I went out to milk my cow.
First she tried to kick me with her right leg so I tied her leg to the right side of the stall.
Then she tried to kick me with her left leg, so I tied that to the left side of the stall.
Then she swatted me with her tail so I tied that to the ceiling. Then my wife walked in.
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So if you can convince her I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!" ........
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