Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A man was complaining to a friend, “I had it all, money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman, everything!
Then poof! It was all gone!”

“What happened?” asked his friend.

“My wife found out...”

 

[W. WIllie]

Old man on the bus staring at a teenager with spiked multi colored hair. After a while the teenager asked the old man, "What you staring at, haven't you ever done anything wild?"
Old man answered, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, just wondering if you were my son?".

 

[Coss]

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let’s go to my apartment, I hear somebody coming."

He followed her into her apartment. She closed the door and leaned against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears?!?!?
Look at these breasts! They are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my buns are firm and solid.
I have a 28 inch waist.
Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
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Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me."

 

[hawg_ryder]

Ok Coss, fire up that groan button!

 

[hawg_ryder]

see what I mean!


_hr






~~~Groan~~~

 

[hawg_ryder]

I'm starting to appreciate this more n' more!

_hr

 

[Coss]

“It’s common knowledge,” said the zoology student, “that elephants have their genital in their feet.”

“Really?” said the professor.

“Absolutely,” smiled the pupil. “If they step on you, you are fucked!”

 

[Coss]

Ok Coss, fire up that groan button!

The first one, yeah, it needs the groan button. (So I snuck it in)
The second one is actually pretty good.

 

[Coss]

Little Sally accidentally walks in on her father going to the bathroom.
Shocked, she runs to her mother and cries, “Mommy, Mommy!
Daddy has a big fat ugly worm hanging out of his wee-wee!”

That’s not a worm, sweetie,” comforts the mother.
“That’s a very important part of daddy’s body.
If daddy didn’t have one of those, you wouldn’t be here.

And now that I think about it … neither would I.”

 

[Coss]

A romantic lady sent a text to her lover saying, "If you are sleeping, send me your dream. If you are crying, send me your tears. If you are smiling, send me your happiness!"

The lover replied, "I am in the toilet."