hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Hey Coss… Better fire up that groan button!
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him.
He shouts at her, “I will play second fiddle to no one!"
She replies, "Second fiddle? You're lucky you're still in the band!"
He shouts at her, “I will play second fiddle to no one!"
She replies, "Second fiddle? You're lucky you're still in the band!"
Why don't witches wear panties?
To get a better grip on the broom.
To get a better grip on the broom.
Two women are having lunch together, discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job."
The second woman says, "Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached."
The first woman replies, "Funny, I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde."
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job."
The second woman says, "Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached."
The first woman replies, "Funny, I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde."
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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“What’s that drink you’re mixing?” the stranger asked the bartender in the exotic Caribbean bar.
“I call this a rum dandy,” said the bartender.
“What’s in it?” asked the stranger.
“Sugar, milk, and rum,” said the bartender.
“Is it good?” asked the stranger.
“Sure,” said the barkeep. “The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy.”
“And the rum?” asked the stranger.
“Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy,” replied the bartender.
“I call this a rum dandy,” said the bartender.
“What’s in it?” asked the stranger.
“Sugar, milk, and rum,” said the bartender.
“Is it good?” asked the stranger.
“Sure,” said the barkeep. “The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy.”
“And the rum?” asked the stranger.
“Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy,” replied the bartender.
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A Minnesota Diary
It's a place to live, until the snow: flies
AUG. 12: Moved to our new home in Minnesota. It's beautiful here. The northern woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow. I love it here.
OCT. 12: Minnesota is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned yellow, red, and orange. Went for a ride through the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most beautiful animal on earth. I really love it here.
NOV. 11: Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a beautiful place.
DEC. 12: Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight and I won, and when the snow plow came by we got to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Minnesota.
DEC. 14: More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again. It's a great place to live.
DEC. 19: More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Stupid snow plow.
DEC. 22: More of that white stuff fell last night. I have blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Jerk!
DEC. 25: Merry Christmas!! More @% %@? snow. If I ever get my hands on that jerk who drives that snow plow, I swear I'll wring his @Qv&# neck! Don't know why they don't use more salt on the road to melt the stupid ice.
DEC. 27: More white stuff last night. Been inside for 3 days, except for shoveling the driveway after the snow plow goes through. Can't go anywhere, the car is stuck in a mountain of white. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of snow again tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow 10 inches is?
DEC. 28: The weatherman was wrong, we got 30 inches of that white stuff this time. At this rate, it won't melt before next summer. The snow plow got stuck up the road, and that jerk came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the snow he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last shovel over his head!
JAN. 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a stupid deer ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
MAY 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that salt they put f all over the road?
MAY 10: Moved to Georgia. I can't I imagine why anyone in their right i mind would ever live in that forsaken! state of MINNESOTA!
And now you know why I don't go further North than Conroe Texas in the winter time!
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It's a place to live, until the snow: flies
AUG. 12: Moved to our new home in Minnesota. It's beautiful here. The northern woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow. I love it here.
OCT. 12: Minnesota is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned yellow, red, and orange. Went for a ride through the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most beautiful animal on earth. I really love it here.
NOV. 11: Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a beautiful place.
DEC. 12: Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight and I won, and when the snow plow came by we got to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Minnesota.
DEC. 14: More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again. It's a great place to live.
DEC. 19: More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Stupid snow plow.
DEC. 22: More of that white stuff fell last night. I have blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Jerk!
DEC. 25: Merry Christmas!! More @% %@? snow. If I ever get my hands on that jerk who drives that snow plow, I swear I'll wring his @Qv&# neck! Don't know why they don't use more salt on the road to melt the stupid ice.
DEC. 27: More white stuff last night. Been inside for 3 days, except for shoveling the driveway after the snow plow goes through. Can't go anywhere, the car is stuck in a mountain of white. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of snow again tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow 10 inches is?
DEC. 28: The weatherman was wrong, we got 30 inches of that white stuff this time. At this rate, it won't melt before next summer. The snow plow got stuck up the road, and that jerk came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the snow he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last shovel over his head!
JAN. 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a stupid deer ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
MAY 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that salt they put f all over the road?
MAY 10: Moved to Georgia. I can't I imagine why anyone in their right i mind would ever live in that forsaken! state of MINNESOTA!
And now you know why I don't go further North than Conroe Texas in the winter time!
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I was laughing so hard on that Minnesota story, I just about peed my pants, that was good. (We don't get snow here, and we're just a little further north)