Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A man is driving along and a police man stops him and says, "Alcohol, drugs?"

And the man says, "No thanks officer, I've got everything."

Then he drives off.

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital, a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting, reassured him by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand.
"We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

[Coss]

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession.
"Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."

"When was the last time you made a confession?" asked the priest.

"I never have, I am Jewish."

Caught offguard, the priest asked, "Then why are telling me all this?"

"Father, I am telling everybody!"

 

[Coss]

One day lil red riding hood was walking through the forest when the wolf came out and said, "I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off!"

Lil red riding hood said, "No way," and kept on walking. After a while lil red riding hood took a small break from walking.

The wolf said, "I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off!"

Lil red Riding hood replied, "No you ain't," and kept walking on the path. She finally reached her Grandmas House and steped inside. The wolf was waiting for her.

The wolf stated, "I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off!"
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Lil red riding hood replied, "The hell you are! You are gonna eat me just like the story goes!"

 

[hawg_ryder]

Life really boils down to two questions
1. Should I get a dog?

Or...
2. Should I have Children?

Decisions... Decisions

Happy New Year!

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[ehwatt]

Life really boils down to two questions
1. Should I get a dog?
View attachment 23141

Or...
2. Should I have Children?

View attachment 23142
Decisions... Decisions

Happy New Year!

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You're too much, thank you.

 

[Coss]

Little Johnny and the little girl next door are in love.
One day Johnny goes to his mother and tells her that the two are getting married.
She thinks this is absolutely adorable and asks, "Well Johnny, where are the two of you going to live?"

He says they can live in her room.
"And how are you going to support your new wife?" Johnny's mother asks.
Johnny tells her the two of their allowances combined should be enough to support two six year olds.

"Well what will you do if you have a baby?"

Johnny look at her, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well we've been lucky so far."

 

[hawg_ryder]

You're too much, thank you.

I try... Glad u enjoyed it ehwatt

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