Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Bert]

Wifey looks at me funny when I'm singing this while driving..

 

[Johnny Acree]

what vehicle has three wheels
plastic body panels
seats one
gets more than 100 mpg
open cockpit
helmet laws apply state by state
direct drive

answer published tomorrow[/QUOTE]

Is This it?

 

[BilgeRat]

Not really a joke, per se, but I think it fits the spirit of this. I first heard this on Car Talk, the artist is Adie Grey, and the song is Grandpa's Advice...

Grandpa's Advice
Grandpa’s Advice by Adie Grey and Dave MacKenzie
© Hey Baby! Ditties, ASCAP
Verse 1
I remember Sunday drivin’ in my Grandpa’s car
Old songs on the radio; the smell of his cigar
Everybody d’ honk at him because he’d drive so slow
He’d just laugh and tell me, “Kid, here’s something you should know”
Chorus 1
They’re all jerks,
When you’re out here on your own
Just assume that everybody else is half-asleep or stoned
They’re all jerks,
And not a one knows how to drive
So you gotta pay attention to make it home alive
I’ll give you my philosophy, I guarantee it works
Repeat it after me, kid,
They’re all jerks.
Verse 2
He said, “They’ll let any fool with money buy himself a car
And you can get a license here, however dumb you are
Oh they all turn into hotrods when they slide behind the wheel
When you get old enough to drive, remember here’s the deal:”
Repeat Chorus 1
Verse 3
Twenty-five years later, I’ve got children of my own
And I do all the driving between school and work and home
Sometimes on the weekends we head out for the beach
Now with the kids strapped in the backseat now it’s my turn to teach
So everytime I’m cut off by some wise-guy in a truck
Or some hero in a sportscar whose gotta push his luck
I don’t get scared or angry, I just sing this little song
It always cheers me up to hear my children sing along
Chorus 2
They’re all jerks
When you’re out here on your own
Just assume that everybody else is drunk or on the phone
They’re all jerks,
Not a one knows how to drive
So you gotta pay attention to make it home alive
I’ll give you my philosophy, I guarantee it works
Repeat it after me, kids,
They’re all jerks
I said Repeat it after me, kids,
They’re all jerks - back to top

 

[RUCRAYZE]

what vehicle has three wheels
plastic body panels
seats one
gets more than 100 mpg
open cockpit
helmet laws apply state by state
direct drive

answer published tomorrow

Is This it?
View attachment 3195[/QUOTE]

PERFECT!!! wtf!! did ya ride it? your kids? your grandchildren??

 

[Johnny Acree]

Is This it?
View attachment 3195

PERFECT!!! wtf!! did ya ride it? your kids? your grandchildren??[/QUOTE]

Not me or my kid, but one I knew way back when. He would push it to the top of a hill beside his house, then hop on and cost down to a flat area. Then he would crank the handle bars left and go spinning 3 or 4 loops, laughing all the way.

 

[Ocean9000]

A woman I know was pulled over by a LEO, he approached her window and asked "do you know why I stopped you, ma'am?" She replied pleasantly, "because I was the only one you could catch?" The officer struggled mightily for several seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter. After he wiped his eyes, he said "just slow it down. please." and returned to his cruiser.
Sometimes, timing is everything...

 

[DWR]

A woman I know was pulled over by a LEO, he approached her window and asked "do you know why I stopped you, ma'am?" She replied pleasantly, "because I was the only one you could catch?" The officer struggled mightily for several seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter. After he wiped his eyes, he said "just slow it down. please." and returned to his cruiser.
Sometimes, timing is everything...

Something similar happened to my parents. For those that don't know, I-75 in south GA is one big speed trap. My parents with my grandmother were headed to FL. Dad always kept it around 80 mph, and they got him. The officer came up to the car and asked "How are you folks today?" My mother replied "we were doing just fine, till you came along". That officer cracked up as well, and let them go with a warning. Welcome to the forum Ocean9000!

 

[BilgeRat]

ALWAYS leave 'em laughing! I got stopped for am expired plate sticker once. The state cop asked if I was wearing my seat belt. I told him yes; years of watching racers unbuckle and walk away from a wreck had convinced me. He nodded as he was writing the warning, and I said, "You realize you're thwarting natural selection with that seat belt law" He goes, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, the law makes people who are too stupid to protect themselves buckle up, right?" He nods, says he didn't see a problem with that. I countered, "Well, under the old system, the ones too dumb to protect themselves killed themselves off, and if they hadn't reproduced, we were eliminating stupid genes from the gene pool." He turned red, lost it, and tossed the warning receipt at me and said, "Get the f#$! outta here, and get that sticker taken care of!" He was still laughing when he pulled out onto Route 6... :-)

 

[Ty]

I'm not sure if it was intentional but politics aside, a Zombie on a "choose life" plate struck me as really funny... somehow wrong but funny. I took the picture this morning while waiting to go in the base gate. (Yes, hands free from my phone mount)

 

[BilgeRat]

OH, SNAP!! That is too good! Thanks for sharing!