Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[ElioDigger]

Don't laugh. it probably has motion sensors that set off the alarm if you reach into the vehicles interior.

My car has a motion sensor in it so I lock it with the top down...

 

[DWR]

I actually had the old "big thumping noise in the rear of the car" come in for repairs.
Started out of the parking lot, heard (and felt) one heck of a thump. Put it in park, opend the trunk, took out the bowling ball, closed the trunk, seatbelted the bowling ball in the passenger front seat, then backed up into the parking lot again.
I walked in, handed the owner (who was waiting for someone to pick him up) his keys, and told him it was on me, as the repair was priceless.
I got Christmas cards from him for about the next ten years!

That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard (tears running down my face!).

 

[ross]

Montana state policeman Alan Nixon #658 received word of a car stalled off the road outside Great Falls and arrives at 3 am to find a man passed out behind the wheel with an empty bottle of vodka on the seat beside him. The driver awakens to flashing red and blue lights and a trooper knocking on his window and freaks, puts the car in gear and hits the gas, the speedometer hits 30, 40, then 50 mph with the car still stuck in the snow and the wheels spinning. Officer Nixon runs in place beside the car and yells 'pull over'. The driver stops and is hauled to jail, in awe of the trooper who could run 50 miles an hour.
A woman gets pulled over for speeding by a Washington state patrolman. As he approaches her window, with ticket book in hand, she says 'I'll bet you want to sell me a ticket to the Washington state patrol ball'. He replies 'Washington state patrolmen don't have balls'. He pauses a moment, then closes the ticket book, gets back in his patrol car and leaves.

 

[wjdom]

Montana state policeman Alan Nixon #658 received word of a car stalled off the road outside Great Falls and arrives at 3 am to find a man passed out behind the wheel with an empty bottle of vodka on the seat beside him. The driver awakens to flashing red and blue lights and a trooper knocking on his window and freaks, puts the car in gear and hits the gas, the speedometer hits 30, 40, then 50 mph with the car still stuck in the snow and the wheels spinning. Officer Nixon runs in place beside the car and yells 'pull over'. The driver stops and is hauled to jail, in awe of the trooper who could run 50 miles an hour.
A woman gets pulled over for speeding by a Washington state patrolman. As he approaches her window, with ticket book in hand, she says 'I'll bet you want to sell me a ticket to the Washington state patrol ball'. He replies 'Washington state patrolmen don't have balls'. He pauses a moment, then closes the ticket book, gets back in his patrol car and leaves.

Do you know why Firemen have bigger balls than Policemen?...............They sell more tickets! " pa dom pom!"

 

[RUCRAYZE]

with all the brillant minds out here, this is it- ?? can toilet talk be far "behind"

 

[LockMD]

with all the brillant minds out here, this is it- ?? can toilet talk be far "behind"

Toilet humor? I farted in the P4 back in July, can you guys seeing it today still smell it?

 

[LockMD]

A Marine walks into the head, goes up to the urinal beside a sailor........the sailor finishes and proceeds to exit, the Marine says "Hey! in the Marines they teach us to wash our hands afterwards" the sailor replies "in the Navy the teach us not to pee on our hands"

 

[eddie66]

A Marine walks into the head, goes up to the urinal beside a sailor........the sailor finishes and proceeds to exit, the Marine says "Hey! in the Marines they teach us to wash our hands afterwards" the sailor replies "in the Navy the teach us not to pee on our hands"

Hey lock, when I was in the Marine Corp, I heard the same story the other way around.

 

[NSTG8R]

A Marine walks into the head, goes up to the urinal beside a sailor........the sailor finishes and proceeds to exit, the Marine says "Hey! in the Marines they teach us to wash our hands afterwards" the sailor replies "in the Navy the teach us not to pee on our hands"

Stay on topic LockMD. The joke should've been a Marine and a Sailor were peeing on a "car"...

 

[LockMD]

Hey lock, when I was in the Marine Corp, I heard the same story the other way around.

I had to modify it since, I'm ex-Navy LOL but yes I originally heard it your way too