Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, and the custody of their children created a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should keep custody of them.

Then man also wanted custody and the judge asked him to justify his demand.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?” ..................................

 

[Coss]

A teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her student the following question,
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"

The teacher fainted. .....................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

The teacher was some months pregnant and as she stood in front of her 5th grade class,
Betty asks, "Why is your stomach swelled up?"

So she said, "Can anybody tell me why my stomach is swelled up?"

Jane said, "You were bit by a snake!"

Billy said, "You were bit by a spider?"

"No, neither one of those is correct," she said.

Little Johnny then says, "I know why teacher."

"Okay, why Johnny?"

"You were bit by a trouser worm." .......................................

 

[Coss]

Little Sally asks her dad if she could take her dog Fluffy far a walk around the block. He tells her no, because Fluffy was in heat.

Little Sally asks, "What does in heat mean?"

Without any explanation, her dad took a rag with gas on it and wiped the dog’s rear end with it.
He told her to go around the block and come back straight home. When she returned she was alone.

Her dad asks, "Where is Fluffy?"

Little Sally says, "Fluffy ran out of gas a few blocks back and another dog is pushing her home." .........

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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