Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

Yesterday, scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started to talk nonsense and couldn't drive.

 

[Coss]

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus,
she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."

 

[Mark BEX]

 

[Coss]

Yesterday, scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed
that 100% of them started to talk nonsense and couldn't drive. ..............................................................

 

[Coss]

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions. "Go ahead caller, you're live on the air!"

The caller asked, “Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?”

To which the doctor handily responded, “That's easy, too avoid criticism.” ......................................................

 

[Coss]

A prominent young lawyer died on his way to court and found himself before the gates of Heaven.
When he arrived, a chorus of angels appeared, singing in his honor.

St. Peter himself came out to shake his hand. "Mr. Jones," said St. Peter, "it is a great honor to have you here at last.
You are the first being to break Methuselah's record for longevity. You have lived 1026 years."

"What are you talking about?" asked the lawyer. "I'm 46."

"46? But aren't you Steven Jones? The lawyer from Brooklyn"

"Yes," the lawyer answered.

"Let me check the records," said St. Peter. He slapped his hand against his forehead. "Oh, how silly of us.
Now I see the mistake! We accidentally calculated your age by adding up the hours you billed to your clients!" ....................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

couldn't resist... Happy St. Paddy's Day!


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[hawg_ryder]

Just one more...

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."...


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[hawg_ryder]

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