Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[RUCRAYZE]

 

[champsman]

I haven't left my house in days.
I watch the news channels incessantly.
All the news stories are about the election.
All the commercials are for Viagra and Cialis.
Election - erection - election - erection
-- either way we're getting screwed!

 

[RUCRAYZE]

Stop me if you can- I love this guy

Larson is a Comedic Genius

 

[RUCRAYZE]

and, one of my all time favs

 

[RUCRAYZE]

please help me.....

 

[RUCRAYZE]

early in tonight VII:XIX
enjoy

 

[Coss]

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things" replied the artist.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

 

[Coss]

Is That A Birth Defect?

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer.

Sits down and notices another guy at the end of the bar everything normal about him except his head is the size of a cue ball.

So he grabs his beer and approaches the guy.

Say is that a birth defect?

No, I got this fishing!

Fishing?

Ya, I was fishing in the ocean when I landed this mermaid.

She said if I let her go, she would grant me three whishes.

I said fine. Give me a fleet of fishing boats, one million dollars, and I want to have sex with you.

Sex? She replied. Don’t be silly you can’t have sex with a mermaid, our body parts don’t match.

So I said how about a little head.

 

[Ty]

This whole Bruce Jenner thing... I don't get it. I was a man trapped inside a female body... then, I was born.

 

[RUCRAYZE]

there is no Bruce Jenner and probably never was

well IX:XLVII time to say goodnight

So this frog walks into a bar......................................