Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office.
He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." .....................

 

[hawg_ryder]

_hr

 

[hawg_ryder]

Hi-larious!

_hr

 

[Coss]

A young girl is feeling under the weather so she goes to the family doctor. “Young lady,” says the doctor, “you’re pregnant.”

“But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists, and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.”

“Well, my dear,” said the physician, “someone in that colony is cock-eyed.” ................................................................

 

[Coss]

Why are women similar to a tropical hurricane ?

When they arrive they're wet and warm, when they leave they take your house and car. ..........................................................

 

[Coss]

I've got the joke of the day...

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.
It just doesn’t get more accurate than that.

...............................................................................................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

and it's recurring!

_hr

 

[Coss]

From the mouths of the young.....

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman as he smiled smugly, "How about global warming; universal health care; or stimulus packages?"

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book...................................................

 

[3wheelin]

I've got the joke of the day...

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.
It just doesn’t get more accurate than that.

...............................................................................................................................................

That's so funny.....but rules are rules....that's so political so you're suspended for one day and stand in one corner for an hour but you may NOT delete it!

 

[Coss]

Fine..... but tell me you didn't grin.... I'm going to go sit in the corner and pout .......