Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

Merry Christmas Everyone!

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[hawg_ryder]

Behold!

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[Coss]

Besides "like" button, we need a "Moan" button or an "AARRGGHHHH" button,
Just something else besides "Like"

 

[Coss]

Little Johnny's mother took him to a local department store one morning to see Santa.

As Little Johnny was approaching, Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas little boy?"

He followed that up with a laughter of, "Ho, Ho, Ho!"

Little Johnny replied, "Well that's mighty generous of you Santa, but one 'HO' will do me just fine!"

 

[Coss]

Sunday's sermon was -- Forgive Your Enemies. Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80 percent of the congregation held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" the minister asked.

"I don't have any." She replied. smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-Eight." She replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones. Would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the bitches." ...........................

 

[Coss]

One of the remaining differences between the northern and southern states is the style of introductions.

For example, the northern introduction to a child's fairy tale is, "Once upon a time...”

While the south chooses, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"

 

[hawg_ryder]

Bwaaahaaaaa!

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[Coss]

A local reporter wants to do a news story about patients in a mental institution. The Director of Psychology invites him.
They go past one room and there is a man swinging an invisible bat. He says, "My name Is Barry Bonds. I'm getting out of here on Friday."

They go past a second room and there is a man swinging an invisible golf club. He says, "My is Tiger Woods. I'm getting out of here on Friday."

The director says, "These men are clearly insane." They go past the last room, and there is a man with no clothes on standing on a chair.
He is naked, his penis is erect, and he is dropping peanuts on it.
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He turns to the two men, and says, "I am f*cking nuts. I'm going to be here for a while!" ..........................................

 

[Coss]

As they were undressing in the locker room prior to a vigorous racquetball match, Dan was surprised to see John slip off a pair of women’s panties.

“Say, old shoe,” he said, “I hope you don’t think I’m being too personal, but, when did you start wearing ladies underwear?”

Dan replied, “Ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment.” ....................................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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