You got that shit straight. Don't ever listen to what they say, listen to what they mean....it's safer that way.
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Johnny Acree
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,530
- Reaction score
- 2,573
Turds decent from out my ass.
Brown parachutes land with a blast.
Some may sink, and some may swim.
The rest will dry upon the rim. ...............
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Brown parachutes land with a blast.
Some may sink, and some may swim.
The rest will dry upon the rim. ...............
...................................................
How about a simple one........
Yo momma is so stupid…
She went to sleep with a ruler to see how long she slept!
Yo momma is so stupid…
She went to sleep with a ruler to see how long she slept!
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A Scottish Golf Story
John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and, if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed so the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
About nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, remember our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago and that good-looking widow from the farm?”
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn, smiling.
'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her yours?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I did. Why?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
Now you really thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...
...
...
...
John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and, if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed so the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
About nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, remember our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago and that good-looking widow from the farm?”
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn, smiling.
'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her yours?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I did. Why?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
Now you really thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...
.........
Xcellent Hawg_ryder Xcellent!!
my turn...
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
my turn...
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
tum tum tum da tum...
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_hr
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
and I went in to ask him why...
_hr
_hrNow, THERE's a thinker!