What did he say when you asked him that???
Was it something like ..... need not apply
Was it something like ..... need not apply
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
"Just bought my first Christmas tree. The guy told me that if I give it a lot of light and water he will come back in February and haul it away. Such a nice young man." 
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Been there dun that... more than once!
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Ok Folks... apologies in advance, but I just couldn't resist!
A terrible thing happened yesterday...
Joni and I were getting ready to leave the house to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Right as I was opening Joni's car door, we heard a blood-curding scream!
Our neighbor across the street was weed-eating her grass, and as we looked up we saw her throw down the weed-eater, her hands holding her head, and continuously screaming. We ran across the street and immediatey realized what had happened.
Her cat had been hiding in the tall grass, and she didn't see him. She accidentally severed his tail completely! The cat fell over in shock, bleeding profusely. I told her to run into her house and grab a blanket.
I wrapped the cat and its tail in the blanket. We put it in my car, and I had Joni stay with my neighbor to calm her down while I took the cat in for help.
When I got back three hours later, I brought the cat back to her. Although he was highly drugged and bandaged, he was going to be all right, tail and all!
She couldn't thank me enough for what I had done, although I kept insisting that no thanks were necessary, as I have pets too and know how important they are in our lives.
She asked me where I had taken her cat, and was taken aback by my answer. "I took him to Walmart.", I replied.
"Walmart??? Walmart? Why did you take him to Walmart?"
"Simple," I told her. They are the largest re-tailer in the country!
GOTCHA!
......
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A terrible thing happened yesterday...
Joni and I were getting ready to leave the house to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Right as I was opening Joni's car door, we heard a blood-curding scream!
Our neighbor across the street was weed-eating her grass, and as we looked up we saw her throw down the weed-eater, her hands holding her head, and continuously screaming. We ran across the street and immediatey realized what had happened.
Her cat had been hiding in the tall grass, and she didn't see him. She accidentally severed his tail completely! The cat fell over in shock, bleeding profusely. I told her to run into her house and grab a blanket.
I wrapped the cat and its tail in the blanket. We put it in my car, and I had Joni stay with my neighbor to calm her down while I took the cat in for help.
When I got back three hours later, I brought the cat back to her. Although he was highly drugged and bandaged, he was going to be all right, tail and all!
She couldn't thank me enough for what I had done, although I kept insisting that no thanks were necessary, as I have pets too and know how important they are in our lives.
She asked me where I had taken her cat, and was taken aback by my answer. "I took him to Walmart.", I replied.
"Walmart??? Walmart? Why did you take him to Walmart?"
"Simple," I told her. They are the largest re-tailer in the country!
GOTCHA!
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Hey..... That's legal up here, and Oregon so no harm no foul (and no tail HAR,HAR HAR)
That was the best joke I've heard in a while, so smile and enjoy it, it's your Christmas Present <hehehehehehehe>
That was the best joke I've heard in a while, so smile and enjoy it, it's your Christmas Present <hehehehehehehe>
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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A woman went in for a physical the other day. The doctor asked her to disrobe. When she did the doctor noticed she had a big red "H" on her chest.
The doctor said: That's strange. How did you get the red "H" on your chest?
The woman replied: My husband went to Harvard and beloved the school so much he never takes his block sweater off...even when we make love.
Several days later another woman came into the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor went through the same routine.
After she disrobed, the doctor noticed she had a big "M" on her chest.
Not wanting to appear stupid, the doctor said: Your boyfriend must have gone to Michigan.
The woman responded: I don't know what you are talking about, but my girlfriend went to Wisconsin. .............
........
.......
The doctor said: That's strange. How did you get the red "H" on your chest?
The woman replied: My husband went to Harvard and beloved the school so much he never takes his block sweater off...even when we make love.
Several days later another woman came into the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor went through the same routine.
After she disrobed, the doctor noticed she had a big "M" on her chest.
Not wanting to appear stupid, the doctor said: Your boyfriend must have gone to Michigan.
The woman responded: I don't know what you are talking about, but my girlfriend went to Wisconsin. .....
.......................
One by one, the vice presidents of a large corporation were called into the CEO’s office.
Then the junior executives were also individually summoned. Finally the summer intern was called in.
“I want the truth, Jack,” the boss whispered. “Have you been messing around with our accountant?”
“N-no, sir,” the young man stuttered. “I-I’d never do anything like that, sir!”
“All right, good,” said the CEO, “then you fire her.” ..........................................................
...........................
Then the junior executives were also individually summoned. Finally the summer intern was called in.
“I want the truth, Jack,” the boss whispered. “Have you been messing around with our accountant?”
“N-no, sir,” the young man stuttered. “I-I’d never do anything like that, sir!”
“All right, good,” said the CEO, “then you fire her.” ........................
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