hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Uh Oh...
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Remember your "safe word" Kermie!
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Kinda brings a tear to your eye... Don't it...
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Us old farts gotta get our jollies somehow...
THE WAR OF 1812 AT WAL-MART
Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people thatfrequent the establishment. But, I digress, enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?”
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?”
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . .
” I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?”
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity.
"1946", I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?”
"It was a Black Op Mission. No one is supposed to know about it.
” This was beginning to become fun!
"Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?”
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?”
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still classified 'Top Secret' and I shouldn't have said anything.”
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look. . "Like, what's gonna’ happen if I do?”
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you?
We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?”
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.
The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman.
Upon catching sight of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture.
He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
And these people VOTE!
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back, wearing my Homeland Security cap.
Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap!
See you guys at Wal-Mart!!
SIDE NOTE:
don't forget to use your critical thinking skills!! lol
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THE WAR OF 1812 AT WAL-MART
Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people thatfrequent the establishment. But, I digress, enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?”
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?”
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . .
” I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?”
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity.
"1946", I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?”
"It was a Black Op Mission. No one is supposed to know about it.
” This was beginning to become fun!
"Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?”
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?”
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still classified 'Top Secret' and I shouldn't have said anything.”
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look. . "Like, what's gonna’ happen if I do?”
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you?
We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?”
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.
The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman.
Upon catching sight of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture.
He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
And these people VOTE!
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back, wearing my Homeland Security cap.
Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap!
See you guys at Wal-Mart!!
SIDE NOTE:
don't forget to use your critical thinking skills!! lol
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Xcellent!! That was a classic in the making.
Denis had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations.
He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn’t seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, “Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he’s got a purple heart on!”
The mother replied, “I don’t give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Jones’ for a couple of hours!”
He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn’t seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, “Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he’s got a purple heart on!”
The mother replied, “I don’t give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Jones’ for a couple of hours!”
An old couple walks into the bar, and the husband goes over and starts flirting with some young women.
And the bartender ways to the wife, “Doesn’t it bother you that your husband is always making passes at the younger women around here?”
“No, no, not really,” the wife says. “I mean, dogs chase cars, but that doesn’t mean they know how to drive.” ....................
....................
And the bartender ways to the wife, “Doesn’t it bother you that your husband is always making passes at the younger women around here?”
“No, no, not really,” the wife says. “I mean, dogs chase cars, but that doesn’t mean they know how to drive.” ....................
....................
The prudish old maid found herself seated next to a classy playboy at a formal affair. After a little, rather icy conversation,
the lady attempted to dismiss the fellow with, “It’s quite obvious that we do not agree on a single, solitary thing.”
The playboy smiled. “Oh, I don’t think that’s quite true, madam,” he said.
“If you were to enter a bedroom in which there were two beds, and if, madam, there were a woman in one and a man in the other, in which bed would you sleep?"
“Well,” the lady huffed indignantly, “with the woman, of course.”
“You see, we agree,” the playboy said, laughing. “So would I.”
the lady attempted to dismiss the fellow with, “It’s quite obvious that we do not agree on a single, solitary thing.”
The playboy smiled. “Oh, I don’t think that’s quite true, madam,” he said.
“If you were to enter a bedroom in which there were two beds, and if, madam, there were a woman in one and a man in the other, in which bed would you sleep?"
“Well,” the lady huffed indignantly, “with the woman, of course.”
“You see, we agree,” the playboy said, laughing. “So would I.”
What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks! ...................................................................................
After 10 years the job still sucks! .................................................
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