Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

Old Jack had moments to live. At his beside were his family. His wife was there, as were his four sons, three of which had blonde hair.
The other one had red hair.

"Clara, I’ve always wondered why one of our sons had red hair. Tell me truthfully, is he really my son?"

Clara put her hand on her heart and fervently swore that yes, he was his son.
"Oh thank goodness," croaked the old man and he died with a smile on his face.

As the family left, the room, the wife sighed deeply, "Good thing he didn’t ask about the other three." ......................................

 

[Coss]

Mr. and Mrs. Shaw were on a safari in darkest Africa.
They were walking cautiously through the jungle when suddenly a huge lion sprang out in front of them,
seized Mrs. Shaw in its jaws and started to drag her off into the bush.

“Shoot!” she screamed to her husband. “Shoot!”

“I can’t!” he yelled back. “I’ve run out of film!” ............................

 

[JK]

A big-time executive walked into a bar and sat down next to a drunk who was studying something in his hand. The executive leaned closer as the drunk held the object up to the light. "Well, it looks like plastic," the drunk said. Then he rolled it around in his fingers and added, "And it feels like rubber."
Curious, the executive asked, "What do you have there?"
The drunk shook his head. "Damned if I know. It looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
The executive said, "Let me take a look." He examined it, rolled it between his fingers and said, "Yeah, you're right. It does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
..
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.. wait for it ..
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The drunk replied, "Out of my nose."

 

[JK]

A couple of men drove up to a rural drive-in restaurant in a new Rolls-Royce. When the waitress saw the expensive car, she ran out to take their order in expectation of a big tip. Unfortunately, the men ordered only coffee. Though disappointed, the waitress brought their order and struck up a conversation about the Rolls. The driver reached into his pocket for some change to pay for the coffee, and at the same time pulled out some golf tees.
"What are those?" asked the waitress.
"Golf tees," replied the driver.
"What are they for?" she queried.
"We put our balls on them before we drive," said the second man.
"Damn," the astonished waitress replied. "Those Rolls-Royce people think of everything, don't they?!"

 

[Coss]

Where's the EEEWWWWwwwww button

 

[hawg_ryder]

two times!

_hr

 

[hawg_ryder]

I've always wondered about this!

Nice hat!

_hr

 

[hawg_ryder]

_hr

 

[Coss]

A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?"

"Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out."

The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!" ......................................

 

[Coss]

A high School cheerleader attends a wedding with her family.
“Put a piece of wedding cake under your pillow, and you will dream of your future lover,” says her mother.

The next morning, the mother asks, “Who did you see in your dreams?”

Her daughter replies with a big grin, “The football team.”