Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

"Life isn't like a box of chocolates...

It's more like a jar of Jalapeños…

What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow!" .............................................................................

 

[Coss]

An old Irishman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get... Parkinson's or Alzheimer?"

The Irishman answered, "Definitely Parkinson's.

Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!" ..................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
The moral of the story?

If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.


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[hawg_ryder]

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[FC]

 

[hawg_ryder]

I know I do!

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

An inventor, looking for a loan, told his banker that he’d discovered a remarkable substance that brushed lightly over a lady’s p*ssy, would give it an orange flavor.

“No good,” the banker responded, after some though.
“But if you can invent something to put into an orange that will make it taste like p*ssy, you can have your loan and we’ll both get rich!” ..........

 

[Mel]

Know the difference between p*ssy and parsley?
...
...
...
...
...NOOOOO body eats parsley!

 

[hawg_ryder]

Here's a little PSA about disease control... There may be worse things than Covid to worry about!

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