Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.
The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."

"Yes," says the man.

"Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."

"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."

 

[Coss]

A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to make love. The woman directed the man, “Go ahead. Put your finger in there.”

So the man did, and after a few minutes, she said, “Put a few more in.” So the man put a few more in, and then she requested, “Put your whole hand in.”

The man did this, and after a few moments the woman said, “Now put your other hand in.” So the man did. The woman said, “Clap!”

“I can’t,” replied the man.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
--

--

-
So the woman said, “Tight, huh?” ……………………………..........................

 

[hawg_ryder]

A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to make love. The woman directed the man, “Go ahead. Put your finger in there.”

So the man did, and after a few minutes, she said, “Put a few more in.” So the man put a few more in, and then she requested, “Put your whole hand in.”

The man did this, and after a few moments the woman said, “Now put your other hand in.” So the man did. The woman said, “Clap!”

“I can’t,” replied the man.
-
-
-Coss, we need a "mic drop" animated smiley I'm thinkin'


_hr
-
-
-
-
-
-
--

--

-
So the woman said, “Tight, huh?” ……………………………..........................

 

[hawg_ryder]

I mean I really do!



_hr

 

[Mel]

View attachment 24186 I mean I really do!



_hr

I have a delivery for upstairs!

 

[Coss]

Soon after a couple turns in for the night, the wife becomes aware that her husband is touching her in an unusual way.
Not having had much physical contact with him for a while, she decides just to relax and enjoy herself.

He runs his hands along her shoulders, then along her side, across her abdomen, down her leg, then up the inside of her leg.
By this time, she is squirming with pleasure. He soon reaches down between her thighs… then abruptly stops and turns over.

“Honey, why did you stop? I was just getting started,” she says.

“I found the remote,” he says.

 

[hawg_ryder]

A frustrated housewife bought a new pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to arouse her husband and spice up their dead sex life.
After cooking his favourite meal for dinner one evening,
she had put them on under a revealing short skirt and relaxed with a glass of wine on the sofa directly across from where her husband was sitting in his chair.
After several more glasses of wine and at what she thought was the appropriate moment,
she uncrossed her legs just wide enough so that her husband could catch a revealing view.
It wasn’t long before his eyes focused on the prize and he asked,
“Are you wearing crotchless panties?”
“Y -e-s,” She answered coyly with a seductive smile.”
“Thank God!” he said,
“I thought you were sitting on the cat.”
He never saw her glass of wine coming.


_hr

 

[Coss]

An hour after checking into the motel, the guest stormed up to the front desk. “What kind of chickenshit joint are you running?” he claimed.

“What’s the problem, sir?" the confused desk clerk asked.

“I went up to my room, unlocked the door, and there was a man holding a gun," shouted the irate guest.
“He told me to get on my knees and give him oral sex or he’d blast my brains all over the room!”

“Oh my,” gasped the clerk, shocked and embarrassed. “What did you do?”

The guest screamed, “Well, you didn’t hear any shots, did you?” ………………….............................

 

[Coss]

A woman walks into a bank, goes up to the teller, and says, “ I want to open a fucking savings account!”

The teller blinks and says, “Excuse me?”

“I said,” the woman began, “I want to open a fucking savings account!”

“You are very rude,” says the teller. “There is no need to use that kind of language."

With that, the teller goes and gets the bank manager. The bank manager comes back with the teller and asks the woman,
“What seems to be the problem?”

“Look,” the woman says, “I just won the lottery for ten million dollars and I just want to open up a fucking savings account!”

The manager looks at the teller and then at the woman and says, “And this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

 

[hawg_ryder]

Laughing out loud/Bacon sign...


_hr