• Welcome to Elio Owners! Join today, registration is easy!

    You can register using your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account, just click here.

Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

hawg_ryder

Elio Addict
Joined
Jul 25, 2014
Messages
1,035
Reaction score
2,728
Location
S.E. Texas (Gulf Coast)
First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a
doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and, sucked on it.......followed by assorted gagging, retching and spitting.
When everyone had finished wiping their faces, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."


:cool:_hr
 

hawg_ryder

Elio Addict
Joined
Jul 25, 2014
Messages
1,035
Reaction score
2,728
Location
S.E. Texas (Gulf Coast)
HO Ho Ho! :D

christmas gifts from Santa.png



:cool:_hr
 

Coss

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Sep 5, 2014
Messages
11,109
Reaction score
16,407
Location
Battle Ground WA
After noticing a beautiful young redhead sitting alone at the bar, a young stud confidently strolls over to her side and says, “What can I get you, gorgeous?”

The woman blushes and replies, “If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’ll have a large stiff one, please.”

“Would that be before or after I get the drinks?”---------------:drum:
 

hawg_ryder

Elio Addict
Joined
Jul 25, 2014
Messages
1,035
Reaction score
2,728
Location
S.E. Texas (Gulf Coast)
Cranky Woman!

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again.
She decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you, don't bother coming after me"
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom, she could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note...
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy french nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote: "I can see your feet. We're outta bread. Back in 5 min." :D


:cool:_hr
 

Coss

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Sep 5, 2014
Messages
11,109
Reaction score
16,407
Location
Battle Ground WA
On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket."
The lady responded, "Listen, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

The two argued for a while but finally the flight attendant went and got the first officer - who came and said, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to move into the coach section since you have a coach ticket".
To which she replied, "Listen, sir, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

After they argued for a while the first officer gave up and went to get the Captain who said,
"I'll handle this. I'm married to a beautiful blonde."
So - the Captain went right up to her, whispered in her ear, after which she got right up and moved into the coach section.

Both the flight attendant and first officer were shocked and asked the Captain - "I don't get it sir.
What did you say to make her move back to coach."
To which the Captain said, "Oh that was easy, I just told her first class wasn't going to NY!"
 

Coss

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Sep 5, 2014
Messages
11,109
Reaction score
16,407
Location
Battle Ground WA
A woman goes to her gynecologist for her annual exam and comes home and says to her husband, "Honey, the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

"Oh yeah," says her husband, "what did he say about your 45 year-old ass?"

"Oh," she says, "he never mentioned you."...……………...:drum:
 
Top Bottom