Mel
Elio Addict
Sorry. I thought this was a "Jokes" forum. I didn't realize everything had to be traceable.
As Foghorn Leghorn used to say, "IT'S A YOKE, SON"!
-
Welcome to Elio Owners! Join today, registration is easy!
You can register using your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account, just click here.
Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
As Foghorn Leghorn used to say, "IT'S A YOKE, SON"!
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak.
The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says,
"Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak.
The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says,
"Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings; she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant-- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant? She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings; she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant-- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant? She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber begins to give the man the closest shave he has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber begins to give the man the closest shave he has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
I didn't know this!
_hr
_hrWas photo taken in Fargo?
Has to be, notice it's a Volvo and not a Caddy. <EEEKKKK>
Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.
The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father.
After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.
“Where are you going?” the boy cried.
“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”
The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father.
After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.
“Where are you going?” the boy cried.
“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”
A man, celebrating his 25th anniversary, looked at his wife and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, I lived in a one-room apartment, watched a 15-inch black-and-white TV, and drove a rusty old car.
But, every night, I slept with a gorgeous blonde. You're ageing now, and I figure you're not keeping up your appearance like you did all those years ago. I'm not too happy about it."
His wife looked back at him and said, "It's true that I'm not what I used to be.
But, sleep with a gorgeous blonde tonight, and I'll see that, once again, you're living in a one-room apartment,
watching a 15-inch, black-and-white TV, and driving a rusty, old car."
"Honey, 25 years ago, I lived in a one-room apartment, watched a 15-inch black-and-white TV, and drove a rusty old car.
But, every night, I slept with a gorgeous blonde. You're ageing now, and I figure you're not keeping up your appearance like you did all those years ago. I'm not too happy about it."
His wife looked back at him and said, "It's true that I'm not what I used to be.
But, sleep with a gorgeous blonde tonight, and I'll see that, once again, you're living in a one-room apartment,
watching a 15-inch, black-and-white TV, and driving a rusty, old car."