Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?"

"Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out."

The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!" --------

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank.
Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, " id you see me rob this bank?"

The customer replies, "Yes!"

The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head, and BANG! Shoots him dead.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man calmly responds, "No... but my wife did." ………...

 

[Coss]

A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy.
He orders a beer, chugs it back, and then bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers!"

A sudden silence descends. After a moment, he asks, "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.
He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on this side of the bar are motherfuckers!"

Once again, the bar is silent. He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?"

A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.
The construction worker looks the man square in the eye and says, "You got a problem, buddy?"
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"Oh no," insists the man. "I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."...………….

 

[hawg_ryder]

good advice! but (no pun intended) the one below it is even better advice, I'm thinkin'!

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[hawg_ryder]

Breakin' up is hard to do!

Go Figure!


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[hawg_ryder]

One more!

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[Coss]

A man walks into a drugstore where a clerk greets him, "Can I help you, sir?"

The man replies, "I’m looking for some deodorant."

"Oh," says the clerk. "Ball or aerosol?"

"Neither," says the man. "I want it for my armpits."

 

[Coss]

A researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey to check on a discrepancy.
He asked the man, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly.’
Your wife, on the other hand, answered ‘several times a night’.”

“That’s right,” replies the man, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”

 

[Mel]

Reminds me of the young couple who decided to supplement their income by sending the Wife out on Saturday night. Early Sunday morning she returns home with makeup smeared and hair messed up. The Husband asked, "Well, How much money did you make?" "$630.25!" "What? Who in the world gave you 25 cents?" He asked. Her reply. "All of them!"