hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Stripper humor!
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Ok, It's not an Elio but ya gotta luv a Texan Segway!
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A man has a habit of hitting lawyers with his car every time one crosses his path.
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says, "Where to father?"
The priest replies, "the church." On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him.
He then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest, "I'm sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer."
The priest says, "It's ok, I got him with the door."
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says, "Where to father?"
The priest replies, "the church." On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him.
He then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest, "I'm sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer."
The priest says, "It's ok, I got him with the door."
Old Jack had moments to live. At his bedside were his family.
His wife was there, as were his four sons, three of which had blonde hair.
The other one had red hair.
"Clara, I’ve always wondered why one of our sons had red hair. Tell me truthfully, is he really my son?"
Clara put her hand on her heart and fervently swore that yes, he was his son.
"Oh thank goodness," croaked the old man and he died with a smile on his face.
As the family left, the room, the wife sighed deeply, "Good thing he didn’t ask about the other three."
His wife was there, as were his four sons, three of which had blonde hair.
The other one had red hair.
"Clara, I’ve always wondered why one of our sons had red hair. Tell me truthfully, is he really my son?"
Clara put her hand on her heart and fervently swore that yes, he was his son.
"Oh thank goodness," croaked the old man and he died with a smile on his face.
As the family left, the room, the wife sighed deeply, "Good thing he didn’t ask about the other three."
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . .
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He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . .
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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The divorce attorney and the gynecologist were discussing the merits of their profession.
The attorney said, “I love my work. Every day women come into my office, tell me all their problems, and pay me good money for my advice.”
The gynecologist topped him, though.
“Well, in my line of work,” he said, “women come to my office, take off their clothes, tell me their problems, and pay me good money for my advice.”
The attorney said, “I love my work. Every day women come into my office, tell me all their problems, and pay me good money for my advice.”
The gynecologist topped him, though.
“Well, in my line of work,” he said, “women come to my office, take off their clothes, tell me their problems, and pay me good money for my advice.”
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
I always wondered?
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The President of a Latin American country announced today that he is changing the nation’s emblem to a condom as it more clearly reflects the government’s political stance.
A condom stands for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it’s actually screwing you.
A condom stands for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it’s actually screwing you.
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
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