hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
- Of course HD's response is to offer a $30K electric bike that has less range than a stock Sportster and takes 8 Hrs. to "refuel" (at 120VAC)
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
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What's the definition of a man's perfect breakfast?
His son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, his mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and his wife is on the back of the milk carton.
His son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, his mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and his wife is on the back of the milk carton.
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Pots n' Kettles...
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A man living in a nudist camp gets a letter from his mother requesting that he send her a photo of himself.
Unfortunately, the only pictures he has are ones in which he is wearing no clothes.
So he cuts a snapshot in half, and then sends the photo showing him from the waist up to his mother.
His mother is so pleased with the picture that she asks him to send one to his grandmother.
The man thinks to himself, “Grandma’s eyesight is so bad these days; I’ll send her the bottom half.”
A week later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
In the letter she writes, “I liked your picture, but your new hairstyle makes your nose look too long.”
Unfortunately, the only pictures he has are ones in which he is wearing no clothes.
So he cuts a snapshot in half, and then sends the photo showing him from the waist up to his mother.
His mother is so pleased with the picture that she asks him to send one to his grandmother.
The man thinks to himself, “Grandma’s eyesight is so bad these days; I’ll send her the bottom half.”
A week later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
In the letter she writes, “I liked your picture, but your new hairstyle makes your nose look too long.”
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
Odd things I have read or heard...
Surveys reveal that the Smart Phone is the number one hand held device. The Penis has slipped to second place.
When she said "Friends with benefits", I assumed that she owned a liquor store
A large Viagra shipment was stolen from a CVS Pharmacy.The police are looking for a band of hardened criminals
If Dorothy were to meet men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she would not be in Oz, she would be in Congress
I was drinking a margarita and the bartender suddenly yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I replied that I knew the whole damn alphabet. Everyone laughed. Well, except for this one guy...
I am not bragging, bt this morning I went into another room and instantly remembered why I had gone there. Well, it was the bathroom, but still...
I dated Wonder Woman for a while. She was always wondering where she left her keys, where she put the phone, what she saw in me...
Instead of arming teachers with guns, arm parents with belts and switches. Worked really well a while back...
The Washington Post noted that the West Hollywood City Council recently voted to remove Donald Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star because of his "disturbing treatment of women and other actions that do not meet the shared values . . . of the Country"
NOTE:The stars of Ken Spacey (Pedophile), Bill Cosby (Rapist) and O.J Simpson (Murderer) are still there.
From a female lumberjack - - If a tree in the forest falls on your ex and no one hears it you should still ditch the chain saw?
A friend of mine was sitting in a bar next to two very large women. They had an unusual accents so he asked, "Are you two ladies from Scotland?"
They said, "It's Wales you idiot, Wales!"
So he said, "OK, are you two Whales from Scotland?"
Claims he does not remember much after that.
A friend of mine changed his horn so it sounds like shot gun blasts. He says that people move out of the way much faster. Works especially well with jaywalkers.
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Surveys reveal that the Smart Phone is the number one hand held device. The Penis has slipped to second place.
When she said "Friends with benefits", I assumed that she owned a liquor store
A large Viagra shipment was stolen from a CVS Pharmacy.The police are looking for a band of hardened criminals
If Dorothy were to meet men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she would not be in Oz, she would be in Congress
I was drinking a margarita and the bartender suddenly yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I replied that I knew the whole damn alphabet. Everyone laughed. Well, except for this one guy...
I am not bragging, bt this morning I went into another room and instantly remembered why I had gone there. Well, it was the bathroom, but still...
I dated Wonder Woman for a while. She was always wondering where she left her keys, where she put the phone, what she saw in me...
Instead of arming teachers with guns, arm parents with belts and switches. Worked really well a while back...
The Washington Post noted that the West Hollywood City Council recently voted to remove Donald Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star because of his "disturbing treatment of women and other actions that do not meet the shared values . . . of the Country"
NOTE:The stars of Ken Spacey (Pedophile), Bill Cosby (Rapist) and O.J Simpson (Murderer) are still there.
From a female lumberjack - - If a tree in the forest falls on your ex and no one hears it you should still ditch the chain saw?
A friend of mine was sitting in a bar next to two very large women. They had an unusual accents so he asked, "Are you two ladies from Scotland?"
They said, "It's Wales you idiot, Wales!"
So he said, "OK, are you two Whales from Scotland?"
Claims he does not remember much after that.
A friend of mine changed his horn so it sounds like shot gun blasts. He says that people move out of the way much faster. Works especially well with jaywalkers.
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Ty
Elio Addict
It makes you wonder if they misspelled you're incorrectly to make a joke or if they simply made a grammatical error talking about other grammatical errors. Either way, that's funny there.
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you ALL my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
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hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
How 'bout that Polar Express!
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