Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[champsman]

I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

 

[champsman]

Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Spiro Agnew
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Alfonse Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8 Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
11. Donald Trump
You had trouble with #5, didn't you?
You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters,
but you don't know the Pope?


Lovely, just lovely. Sometimes I worry about you!

 

[Coss]

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin you day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery are enough".

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand each other any longer," the old man said. "We are are sick and tired of each other, and I am sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her." He hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck, they're not going to divorce!" she shouts. "I'II take care of this". She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I am calling my brother and we'll both be there tomorrow morning. Until then don't do anything. DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turn to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

 

[Coss]

You know why the woman got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?

Because everyone knows the best eating is between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

 

[Coss]

I'm on a roll today:

I'm sitting here on this damn pot…

The Taco Salad's not so hot...

Tomatoes, Beef, Sour Cream and Beans...

Now I'm a walking shit machine!

 

[Johnny Cyclone]

View attachment 23042

Anyone remember "Freedom Fries"?

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Q: Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade.

 

[hawg_ryder]

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Johnny Acree]

I wonder if the people at the vigil, know they are eating a male turkey?