Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[hawg_ryder]

Spaces are Important!

_hr

 

[Coss]

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Peace Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

 

[Ty]

I think it's funny how screwed up the public has gotten. Here's an example of misplaced empathy:

When they filmed the movie "Volcano" about, yes, a volcano in Los Angeles, there are tons of people losing their lives because, well, volcano. Anyway, there was a scene involving a dog that was trapped on a street with lava incoming. Well, the dog didn't make it. During prescreening, the audience was so upset about the dog not making it that they went and remade that scene but this time, the dog climbed a firetruck ladder to safety.
Nobody cared about all the Californians who died in the lava.

Society. Go figure.

 

[Mel]

I think it's funny how screwed up the public has gotten. Here's an example of misplaced empathy:
When they filmed the movie "Volcano" about, yes, a volcano in Los Angeles, there are tons of people losing their lives because, well, volcano. Anyway, there was a scene involving a dog that was trapped on a street with lava incoming. Well, the dog didn't make it. During prescreening, the audience was so upset about the dog not making it that they went and remade that scene but this time, the dog climbed a firetruck ladder to safety.
Nobody cared about all the Californians who died in the lava.
Society. Go figure.

You're comparing Californians to an innocent dog? I didn't really say that out loud, did I?

 

[NSTG8R]

Irony galore!!

My Favorite!

 

[Ty]

My Polish buddy said he was going to give his Bride something long and hard on their wedding day... His last name!

 

[Coss]

An elderly couple is in a dingy theater, watching a porn movie over and over.
After the last showing of the day, the usher who is cleaning the theater can’t resist saying to them, “You folks must have really enjoyed the show.”

“Not at all,” the elderly gent says. “It was disgusting.”

“Revolting,” add his wife.

“Then why did you sit through it so many times?”

“We had to! We had to wait until the house lights came up,” the wife responds.

“We couldn’t find my underpants, and my husband’s teeth were in them.”

 

[Folks]

An elderly couple is in a dingy theater, watching a porn movie over and over.
After the last showing of the day, the usher who is cleaning the theater can’t resist saying to them, “You folks must have really enjoyed the show.”

“Not at all,” the elderly gent says. “It was disgusting.”

“Revolting,” add his wife.

“Then why did you sit through it so many times?”

“We had to! We had to wait until the house lights came up,” the wife responds.

“We couldn’t find my underpants, and my husband’s teeth were in them.”

We need a prophylactic to protect us from these kind of diseased jokes.

 

[Coss]

We need a prophylactic to protect us from these kind of diseased jokes.

Diseased jokes? What you talking bout son?

 

[Ty]

Summer Jokes:

Where do sharks go for Summer vacation? Finland

What do frogs drink during the Summer? Croak a Cola

If you ever find a pool of your own blood, avoid it. A lot of people are murdered in those.

Why are these jokes called Summer Jokes? Because Summer Funny, Summer not.