Hey Ty, why is your arm ripped out of its socket? And it looks like you sat on it?
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
Four nuns are out driving in the church Rambler, headed back to the convent after a night of bingo.
It's a rainy night.
Regretfully, the car spun out of control, plunged off a cliff, and they all died.
When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Nun number one, what did you sin when you were alive?"
"Well, I once saw a man's penis," she replied.
"Good grief.
Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes, and come on in.
We'll let you slide this time."
"Nun number two, what did you sin when you were alive?"
"Well, I once touched a man's penis," she replied.
"Oh Lord.
Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes and your hands, and come on in."
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Nun number four then skipped in front of nun number three, and said, "Excuse me, I'd like to gargle before she sits in that water!"
It's a rainy night.
Regretfully, the car spun out of control, plunged off a cliff, and they all died.
When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Nun number one, what did you sin when you were alive?"
"Well, I once saw a man's penis," she replied.
"Good grief.
Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes, and come on in.
We'll let you slide this time."
"Nun number two, what did you sin when you were alive?"
"Well, I once touched a man's penis," she replied.
"Oh Lord.
Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes and your hands, and come on in."
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Nun number four then skipped in front of nun number three, and said, "Excuse me, I'd like to gargle before she sits in that water!"
A guy is in court for murdering his second wife.
The judge says,"You murdered your first wife also, correct?"
"That's right. I fed her poisoned mushrooms.
I've done my time."
The judge decided to probe a little further.
"Yet you bashed your second wife to death.
Why the change in M.O?"
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"Well, your Honor," the defendant replied. "The bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
The judge says,"You murdered your first wife also, correct?"
"That's right. I fed her poisoned mushrooms.
I've done my time."
The judge decided to probe a little further.
"Yet you bashed your second wife to death.
Why the change in M.O?"
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"Well, your Honor," the defendant replied. "The bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
Johnny Acree
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,530
- Reaction score
- 2,573
This is so creepy and twisted but yet so funny all at the same time !
Or so say the others.
Or so say the others.
A man takes his wife to the stock show.
They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year, that is ONCE A DAY!!!
You could really learn from this one."
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The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."
(I like this one .....
))
They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year, that is ONCE A DAY!!!
You could really learn from this one."
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The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."
(I like this one .....
))
Johnny Acree
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,530
- Reaction score
- 2,573
Rodney Dangerfield jokes...
My wife and I decided to take up smoking after sex. Now, she's up to two packs a day, and I've had the same one since 1978.
My wife and I decided to take up smoking after sex. Now, she's up to two packs a day, and I've had the same one since 1978.
Ty
Elio Addict
LOL... My wife doesn't put up with that!
Mel
Elio Addict
Did you know that at the station on the corner, you get free sex with every fill-up?
Really, I always buy gas there and I've never heard of that.
Well my sister told me about it. She goes there all the time.
Really, I always buy gas there and I've never heard of that.
Well my sister told me about it. She goes there all the time.
phonetrbl
Elio Fan
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2014
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 30
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called woman.
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history...
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history...