Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[W. WIllie]

Is he a "Pecan" or "Acorn" tree? Assuming he has nuts.

MED TIME.

 

[Mel]

Know how to spot Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?
Stretch marks around their mouth.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new boots?
Neither has she.
Know why Dolly Parton has such small feet?
Nothing grows in the shade.

 

[NSTG8R]

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

 

[Coss]

Actually, it's a smart-ass raccoon, a big dumb walking talking tree [Vin Diesel]. Chris Pine is the main character and is funny as h*ll. It is an AWESOME movie, and I'll bet you watch it twice! I even bought the soundtrack CD and play it regularly.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2015381/

You'll be happy to hear "A sequel, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, is scheduled to be released on May 5, 2017."
Want to know the plot?

 

[NSTG8R]

You'll be happy to hear "A sequel, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, is scheduled to be released on May 5, 2017."
Want to know the plot?

Saw the previews! Looking forward to it!

 

[Coss]

A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can't sell you that."
"Why not?" asked the customer.
"Because that's my husband."

 

[Bamdalam]

A Barn?? Who ever heard of a BARN on a golf course small enough to lay a shot through
As for the joke
View attachment 21415 But it will do

Well, only one GROAN button. I've seen you hand out as many as 4!

 

[Ty]

Actually, it's a smart-ass raccoon, a big dumb walking talking tree [Vin Diesel]. Chris Pine is the main character and is funny as h*ll. It is an AWESOME movie, and I'll bet you watch it twice! I even bought the soundtrack CD and play it regularly.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2015381/

Chris Pratt (from Parks and Rec) is the main character. It IS a pretty funny movie though.

 

[Coss]

Well, only one GROAN button. I've seen you hand out as many as 4!

It wasn't that bad; hence only one.

 

[Coss]

Chris Pratt (from Parks and Rec) is the main character. It IS a pretty funny movie though.

Parks & Rec? is that a TV show? Didn't watch that either, heard about it, never watched it. It was probably on against some other things I watch.