Ty
Elio Addict
Wow. If he lost his left arm, do you think he'll be all right?
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
R
Elio Aficionado
Mel
Elio Addict
A drunk called 911 and claimed thieve's had stolen his steering wheel. When officers arrived they found the man sitting in the back seat of his car.
Durring questioning, one of the officers informed the man that his pants were unzipped. The man looked down and immediately went into another rage yelling, "Damn, They got my girl too!"
Durring questioning, one of the officers informed the man that his pants were unzipped. The man looked down and immediately went into another rage yelling, "Damn, They got my girl too!"
I picked this up from a video on the Funniest 20 Awkward Texts:
From Becky:
From Dad:
From Becky:
Dad there's a moth outside the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Pls hurry because I'm going to cry.
Dad?
Dad?
Pls hurry because I'm going to cry.
Dad?
Dad?
From Dad:
Dad is dead. You're next.
Love, Moth
Love, Moth
larryboy
Elio Addict
A couple decided to take their relationship to the next level. As they were taking off their clothes the woman noticed that the man's toes were gnarled and misshapen. He notice her looking and said " I had tolio when I was little". Next he took off his pants and revealed his misshapen knees. He said, "I had a bad case of knezels too". As he dropped his undershorts she said " Don't tell me, let me guess, smallcox!
Ty
Elio Addict
Donald Trump has already gotten more out of shape women outside and walking than Michelle Obama ever did in 8 years.
(Strickly about the Women's march after the inauguration and Michelle Obama's Fitness program.)
(Strickly about the Women's march after the inauguration and Michelle Obama's Fitness program.)
A man has a habit of hitting lawyers with his car every time one crosses his path.
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says, "Where to father?"
The priest replies, "the church."
On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him.
He then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest, "I'm sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer."
The priest says, "It's ok, I got him with the door."
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says, "Where to father?"
The priest replies, "the church."
On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him.
He then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest, "I'm sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer."
The priest says, "It's ok, I got him with the door."
What power do you have with two little green balls in your hand?
Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.
Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.
Ty
Elio Addict
<--- Ever smelled moth balls?
Nope. I keep breaking their legs. ---->
Nope. I keep breaking their legs. ---->
Ty
Elio Addict
Deviating a little from Jokes... Brain bender time!
You are on a talk show and you have to pick among three doors, A, B, and C for the big prize. You picked A.
The Host says let me show you one door where the prize is not. He opens door C.
He then offers you the option of keeping your door or switching.
Deep inside, you know that with two choices, you have a 50/50 shot of winning the prize - or, if you rather, a 50% chance of winning.
Is this correct?
Not so fast... When you picked the door, your chance of winning was 1/3, or 33%. So, one theory is that if you keep your original door, you have a 33% chance of winning but if you chose the other door, your chance goes up to 50% as it is one of two doors.
I don't think that a previous choices' odds are fixed in stone. When the host eliminated the third door, he changed the odds for you from 33% to 50% regardless of your choice. I've been told that isn't true though. Hmm...
You are on a talk show and you have to pick among three doors, A, B, and C for the big prize. You picked A.
The Host says let me show you one door where the prize is not. He opens door C.
He then offers you the option of keeping your door or switching.
Deep inside, you know that with two choices, you have a 50/50 shot of winning the prize - or, if you rather, a 50% chance of winning.
Is this correct?
Not so fast... When you picked the door, your chance of winning was 1/3, or 33%. So, one theory is that if you keep your original door, you have a 33% chance of winning but if you chose the other door, your chance goes up to 50% as it is one of two doors.
I don't think that a previous choices' odds are fixed in stone. When the host eliminated the third door, he changed the odds for you from 33% to 50% regardless of your choice. I've been told that isn't true though. Hmm...