Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[CrimsonEclipse]

What's the difference between an Oral Thermometer and a Rectal Thermometer?

The taste.

 

[Ty]

My doctor walked in, pulled out the clipboard, reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer, looks at it and says, "Oh, great. Some @$$hole has my pen!"

 

[Ekh]

My doctor walked in, pulled out the clipboard, reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer, looks at it and says, "Oh, great. Some @$$hole has my pen!"

Good one.

 

[Mel]

When you think that your job is the worst job possible.......On your way home stop by the drug store and purchase a Squibb Rectal Thermometer. When you get home, turn off the phone, dim the lights and sit down in your easy chair. Now carefully read the information supplied with the thermometer; especially where it states, "Every Squibb rectal thermometer is personally tested." Now how bad was your job?

 

[Frim]

She also has a degree in diabetics, which she has no desire to use.

Ah Haa! The creation of a new Dining Experience. The specialty restaurant for diabetics!!

 

[Coss]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs and get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

 

[Ekh]

Ah Haa! The creation of a new Dining Experience. The specialty restaurant for diabetics!!

goddam auto spell. diatetics, of course
.

 

[Ty]

My daughter strikes again:

How do you make a plumber cry?
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Kick his pet unicorn

 

[Frim]

goddam auto spell. diatetics, of course
.

OK, so spellcheck discovered a new business opportunity. How do I take credit for that?

 

[Coss]

Um Ty, do you really think that's funny?

I don't see the humor in it.