acamara
Elio Addict
Good one Mel. Thank you
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
ross
Elio Addict
The same 85 year old womans doctor retires and is replaced with a youngster just out of med school, he reviews her medical records and notices she's prescribed birth control pills. He asks her why in the world would an 85 year old woman be taking birth control pills, she tells him 'they help me sleep' he informs her 'there is absolutely nothing in these pills that would help you sleep' she replies 'every morning I grind one up and sprinkle it on my 16 year old grand daughters breakfast cereal and I sleep just fine sonny.'
Ty
Elio Addict
Me, too.
Ty
Elio Addict
New Yorkers. You can't blame them for being bitter. The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey!
bunchathrees
Elio Addict
This is the same reason pirates of old wore patches over their eye. So at least one eye could adjust when they went into the dark hold of a ship.
Do you know why Pirates are called Pirates?
Because they ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!
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Mel
Elio Addict
A TV reporter was interviewing a pirate and asking about job related injuries. "How about your peg leg?"
"Oh that wasn't job related, an alligator bit it off." "But you have only one hand."
"Oh that, well I guess that might be job related. Another pirate's sword got me." "And then there's you missing eye."
"Now that definitely was not job related. A pigeon flew over and crapped in my eye."
"But bird crap doesn't cause you to loose an eye."
"It does if it's the first day with your new hook!"
"Oh that wasn't job related, an alligator bit it off." "But you have only one hand."
"Oh that, well I guess that might be job related. Another pirate's sword got me." "And then there's you missing eye."
"Now that definitely was not job related. A pigeon flew over and crapped in my eye."
"But bird crap doesn't cause you to loose an eye."
"It does if it's the first day with your new hook!"
Sometimes real life is funnier (dumber) that made up jokes.:
Firefighters in Tennessee say a local woman caused a fire after attempting to barbecue a brisket in her bathtub.
Knoxville Fire Department Captain DJ Corcoran said that firefighters found a woman fanning flames from her apartment and said there was a fire in her bathroom.
Corcoran said the woman attempted to cook brisket over an open flame in her bathtub and called the incident "a first in our books."
Fire crews reported that the woman lit a wood-burning grill inside her bathtub and placed meat on a wire rack across the rim before the heat melted through the tub's fiberglass exterior.
"The tub and the brisket were a total loss," Corcoran said.
The apartment below suffered minor water damage as a result of the incident.
Corcoran noted that 50 percent of residential fires occur as a result of cooking related incidents.
"With that said, most all of those documented fires are in the kitchen," Corcoran said.
Firefighters in Tennessee say a local woman caused a fire after attempting to barbecue a brisket in her bathtub.
Knoxville Fire Department Captain DJ Corcoran said that firefighters found a woman fanning flames from her apartment and said there was a fire in her bathroom.
Corcoran said the woman attempted to cook brisket over an open flame in her bathtub and called the incident "a first in our books."
Fire crews reported that the woman lit a wood-burning grill inside her bathtub and placed meat on a wire rack across the rim before the heat melted through the tub's fiberglass exterior.
"The tub and the brisket were a total loss," Corcoran said.
The apartment below suffered minor water damage as a result of the incident.
Corcoran noted that 50 percent of residential fires occur as a result of cooking related incidents.
"With that said, most all of those documented fires are in the kitchen," Corcoran said.
NSTG8R
Elio Addict
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as pro basketball player.
They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!
It will say ADIDAS in a minute."
They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!
It will say ADIDAS in a minute."
xtspode
Elio Addict
My grandson's favorite joke is "What is a pirates favorite letter?
You think it's the ARR, but it is really the SEA.
Ty
Elio Addict
The kid answers "Arrrr" and I say "Yea be wrong, my little buddy. A Pirate's true love be the sea!"