Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Mel]

Someone on another thread mentioned Lucas. That reminds me. Have you heard the latest? Lucas is now producing vacuum cleaners.

Only product that Lucas ever made that doesn't suck!

 

[Ty]

Here you go:

View attachment 8865

Lol

 

[Ty]

Where oh where is that GROAN button?

LOL... Come on, my girl told me that joke.

 

[Coss]

Ok,

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, crushed nuts?

"No," he replied, "Arthritis"

 

[Kuda]

Ok,

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, crushed nuts?

"No," he replied, "Arthritis"

 

[HonestTex]

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

 

[ross]

I saw a commercial a while back that said 93% of Ford trucks are still on the road.
I'm guessing the other 7% made it home.
I love the fact that Ford not only circled the problem they highlighted it in blue.

 

[HonestTex]

***Groan Alert***

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?


One is very heavy, and the other is a
little lighter.

 

[Coss]

***Groan Alert***

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?


One is very heavy, and the other is a
little lighter.

 

[Coss]

Just couldn't figure out where to put this, so since I was already in here, this is as good as any

Replacing your Blinker Fluid