Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[ross]

A retired couple go golfing, the first shot off the tee the husband slices it into the rough, the wife makes some comment like 'that's the worst shot I've ever seen' and drives her shot right down the center of the fairway, husbands second shot and he's off the other side of the fairway and she drives it right down the center. It goes this way the whole front nine, he can't buy a shot and she plays flawlessly. Tenth tee the wife walks up to tee off and the husband says 'wait a minute I shoot first from back here', wife says 'I've seen you play today, you couldn't hit me if you tried, go ahead and play through', husband tees his ball up, hauls off and drives it as hard as he can, drills her right in the back of the head, she drops like a rock, husband thinks 'oh my god what have I done', brings the golf cart over, loads her up and hauls her off to the hospital a few blocks away, takes her to the emergency entrance, hospital staff take her away to examine her, a few minutes later a doctor comes out and asks the husband 'what happened?' Husband says 'we were golfing and I hit her in the head with a golf ball' doctor says 'I understand that but what's with the golf ball lodged in her ass?' Husband replies 'oh that was my mulligan.'

 

[ross]

I don't golf, the guy who told me that one had to explain what a mulligan was.

 

[ross]

I get a kick out of Hillary telling the people she's going to bring jobs back to America, last time she was in the white house she only had one job and she farmed that out to Monica Lewinsky.

 

[bunchathrees]

... something, something, something, farm subsidy. Bah Dum Tiss!

 

[Johnny Acree]

A retired couple go golfing, the first shot off the tee the husband slices it into the rough, the wife makes some comment like 'that's the worst shot I've ever seen' and drives her shot right down the center of the fairway, husbands second shot and he's off the other side of the fairway and she drives it right down the center. It goes this way the whole front nine, he can't buy a shot and she plays flawlessly. Tenth tee the wife walks up to tee off and the husband says 'wait a minute I shoot first from back here', wife says 'I've seen you play today, you couldn't hit me if you tried, go ahead and play through', husband tees his ball up, hauls off and drives it as hard as he can, drills her right in the back of the head, she drops like a rock, husband thinks 'oh my god what have I done', brings the golf cart over, loads her up and hauls her off to the hospital a few blocks away, takes her to the emergency entrance, hospital staff take her away to examine her, a few minutes later a doctor comes out and asks the husband 'what happened?' Husband says 'we were golfing and I hit her in the head with a golf ball' doctor says 'I understand that but what's with the golf ball lodged in her ass?' Husband replies 'oh that was my mulligan.'

Reading these this morning about golf and goldberg, reminded me of this one.

Be sure to check the clock in the corner.

 

[Rob Croson]

That's awesome. The only thing that would make it more epic is if they worked in paint drying.

 

[Coss]

That's awesome. The only thing that would make it more epic is if they worked in paint drying.

Just go watch a server transferring data over a DSL connection; it's about the same.

 

[RUCRAYZE]

http://www.snopes.com/photos/arts/musicmachine.asp
the best!!- saw this years ago- still impressive

 

[Hilleygoat]

Take it from a guy who, as a teen, rode his unicycle everywhere (I even delivered the newspaper on it). The joke that we (owners) will hear is..."Hey buddy, you lost a wheel!" Followed by the roar of self satisfied laughter. Everyone seems to think they are the first to think if it.

I work for FedEx and I regularly get asked if the package is a bomb, or if I know that UPS and FedEx are merging! Been here almost 18 years hear em weekly.

 

[Ty]

"Military Intelligence", "Good enough for government work"... The list goes on for me as well...