Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

What do you get when you mix LSD with Birth Control tabs

A trip without the kids

 

[NSTG8R]

So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer.
At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?"
Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.


.....

 

[ross]

The Dali Lama goes up to the hot dog vender and says "Make me one with everything."

 

[Muzhik]

The vendor gives the Dali Lama his hot dog and the Dali Lama gives him $10, which the vendor puts in his till. When the Dali Lama asks, "Where is my change?", the vendor replies, "Change must come from within."

 

[Coss]

The Thoughtful Husband

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
"Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
”And, gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together.
It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk."

 

[Ty]

So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer.
At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?"
Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.


.....

Okay, I'm usually pretty astute and quite the joker. But, I must admit to having to do a little research on this one. I didn't realize Descartes was the philosopher who said "I think, therefore I am." Since your joke's protagonist said "I think not", he isn't. Well played, sir.

 

[NSTG8R]

Yeah...It was funnier when my high school history teacher said it [the class was rolling], but it was in context with the class.

I'm a big fan of the one-liners and short jokes. Something that would fit in your signature (forum) or on a beer coolie cup.

It's always darkest before the dawn...So that's the best time to steal your neighbor's newspaper.

 

[Muzhik]

A Robotic Garage from xkcd:

Caption: "But look, if getting your car out from under the pile is REALLY important to you, we do have an axe you can borrow."

 

[Coss]

Hey Buddy, What's Your Hurry?

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer.
So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down.

The bartender says, hay buddy whats your hurry?

The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing.

The bartender backs up and says what do you have.






The man says about 75 cents!

 

[Coss]

It's been a week since the last post; how about something a little different:

Old Spice commercial you've probably never seen

Let's see who was paying attention at the Super Bowl

Singing Sheep

Avocados in Space

Rube Goldberg Clock

Anyone ski?

Flat ski to 86kmph

That's enough for now, Enjoy