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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
hawg_ryder
Elio Addict
It's Rainin' down in Texas and all the Telephone lines are down-SRV
Skeeters are Hangry!!!
Slarteebarrfast
New Member
Everything is BIGGER in Texas!
In Tennessee we can still kill'em with a hammer . . .
In Tennessee we can still kill'em with a hammer . . .
DikiJ
Elio Addict
Looks like a Louisiana mosquito escaped to Texas. Kinda a small one though.
Milk Joke
A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized?"
The blonde replied, "No, just up to my nipples."
A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized?"
The blonde replied, "No, just up to my nipples."
Crushed Nutz
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Perks of a BJ
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
Ten minutes of silence.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Perks of a BJ
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
Ten minutes of silence.
Mel
Elio Addict
That may be a "Perk", but if it's the "best thing", then somebody is doing something terribly wrong!
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Always a critic in the crowd.....
I Can Help You
A psychiatrist ushered a new patient into his office and began their session. “Now tell me, what is it that you would like to discuss?” he asked.
“I’ve become obsessed with hoarding money, replied the patient.
“Ah… It may take many, many sessions, but I believe I can help you overcome this.”
One of the Most Expensive Things
One of the most expensive things in the world…
Is a woman who is free for the evening!
I Can Help You
A psychiatrist ushered a new patient into his office and began their session. “Now tell me, what is it that you would like to discuss?” he asked.
“I’ve become obsessed with hoarding money, replied the patient.
“Ah… It may take many, many sessions, but I believe I can help you overcome this.”
One of the Most Expensive Things
One of the most expensive things in the world…
Is a woman who is free for the evening!
Am I the First?
“Tell me,” the husband asked his wife on their wedding night, “Am I the first man you ever slept with?”
“No,” the woman shook her head. “I’d have recognized you when we met.”
Weak .. Weak ... How about a better one?
Is That for Sale?
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.
Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then you may want to remove the price tag," as he points to the tag on the backside."
Ok, better, but still kinda weak. I'll try harder tomorrow.
“Tell me,” the husband asked his wife on their wedding night, “Am I the first man you ever slept with?”
“No,” the woman shook her head. “I’d have recognized you when we met.”
Weak .. Weak ... How about a better one?
Is That for Sale?
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.
Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then you may want to remove the price tag," as he points to the tag on the backside."
Ok, better, but still kinda weak. I'll try harder tomorrow.
Interested
Elio Aficionado
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: Then you use to bite my neck” Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”