Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

Forty men attended a counseling session to exchange views on their sex patterns after marriage.
After a short briefing, the counselor asked how many of them have sex with their wives only once a week.
Half of the men raised their hands.

The counselor then asked how many have sex with their wives only once every two weeks.
Twelve of the remaining twenty men put up their hands, a little embarrassed.

"I presume then the rest of you do have sex with your wives only once a month?"
All, except for one of the remaining eight acknowledged.
The counselor turned his attention to this odd looking guy sitting at the corner of the class, giggling to himself.
"Sir, I am sorry to ask, but why are you still smiling since you are not enjoying the same frequency as the rest?"

To this the timid man said," Tonight is the night." ........................ ......................................

 

[Coss]

Yo Momma is so ugly...

Her birth certificate is letter of apology from the condom factory!

 

[Coss]

An alien is in a bar sitting next to this guy. Every time he takes a drink, he spins on his stool, pokes the guy next to him and goes bzzz.
He does these two or three times. Finally the guy gets annoyed and tells the alien that if he doesn't quit it, he will beat him up.

The alien takes a drink, spins his stool, pokes the guy and goes bzzz.
This infuriates the man, and he takes him outside and pulls down his pants and stands back aghast.
"There's nothing there! How so you people have sex?"

The alien smiles, and goes bzzz.

 

[hawg_ryder]

We've all been here at one time or another!

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[Coss]

Been there, that's why I have certain tools that are really clean.....

 

[W. WIllie]

That is why they still sell LAVA at most auto parts stores.

Lava® Bar Soap | Heavy-Duty Pumice Soap & Hand Cleaner

The original pumice soap bar, Lava� Bar Soap is a powerful, heavy-duty hand cleaner that cuts through grease and grime. Try the original Lava� Bar today!

www.lavasoap.com

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

Two migrants arrive in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," the other one replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the first migrant point to a hot-dog vendor and they both walk towards it. "Two dogs, please," says one of the migrants.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil.

Excited, the migrants hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs.’ One migrant unwraps the wrapper, stares at it for a moment,
leans over to the other and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"