Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Mel]

not a joke per se... but all of us that remember fondly Revell, Monogram, Testors...
View attachment 24928

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Yep. I remember when Revell was sued over too much accuracy in their "Nautilus" submarine kit.

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes.
When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name, he glared at me, and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

But I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. ....................

 

[hawg_ryder]

Some friends just aren't to be trusted!

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[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A lawyer’s name was Strange. When he died his friend asked the tombstone maker to write, “Here lies Strange, an honest person, and a lawyer.”

The tombstone maker warned that this statement can be very confusing, as anyone who passes by grave
would think that three men were buried in a single grave.
However, he suggested another statement, “Here lies a person who was not only honest but also a good lawyer."

This way, whenever people walk by his grave and read it, they will say, “That’s strange!”..................

 

[Coss]

The math teacher in 3rd grade class asked Al, "If there are 4 birds in a tree and a hunter shoots down one of them, how many would there be left?"

Al replied, “None, since all the other birds would fly away after the first shot."

The teacher said, "Al, this is a math class. The answer should be four minus one. However I appreciate your imagination."

The boy sought permission from the teacher to ask a question. Al asked," Three beautiful girls were eating an ice cream cone.
One is lapping up the ice cream, another is nibbling the cone, and the third is sucking the ice cream from the bottom. Which one of them is married?"

The teacher smiled and replied, " Probably the third one".

Al said, "Miss, the one with the wedding ring is married, but I like your imagination!" .................................

 

[Coss]

That one with the frog and the mouse still bothers me, it's nature, but it's really in bad taste....
Sorry, but just me.

 

[hawg_ryder]

My wife and i went to the
auction in Paris Kentucky the other week and one of the first
exhibits we stopped at was the
breeding bulls. We went up to
the first pen and there was a
sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in
the ribs...... smiled and said, 'He
mated 50 times last year, that's
almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen
which had a sign attached that
said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
MY wife gave me a healthy jab
and said, WOW~~That's more
than twice a week!........... You
could learn a lot from him.
We walked to the third pen and it
had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and
said,
'That's once a day... You could
REALLY learn something from
this one'!
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every
time was with the same old
cow'.
My condition has been
upgraded from critical to stable
and i should eventually make a
full recovery.....................



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[ehwatt]

View attachment 24955
My wife and i went to the
auction in Paris Kentucky the other week and one of the first
exhibits we stopped at was the
breeding bulls. We went up to
the first pen and there was a
sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in
the ribs...... smiled and said, 'He
mated 50 times last year, that's
almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen
which had a sign attached that
said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
MY wife gave me a healthy jab
and said, WOW~~That's more
than twice a week!........... You
could learn a lot from him.
We walked to the third pen and it
had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and
said,
'That's once a day... You could
REALLY learn something from
this one'!
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every
time was with the same old
cow'.
My condition has been
upgraded from critical to stable
and i should eventually make a
full recovery.....................



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Aw shucks. Well, the next time you are back in Paris let me know, I'm not far. Good lookin' bull though!