Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )

[Coss]

"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?"

"I used two fingers."

"What for?"

"I needed a second opinion."..................................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

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[Coss]

A policeman was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. “Shall I run and get it for you?” asked the prisoner obligingly.

“You must think I’m dumb,” said the officer. “You stand here, I’ll get it.”........................................................................

 

[Coss]

A man was driving down a quiet country road when out onto the road strayed a rooster.

Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at a nearby farmhouse and rang the doorbell.
The farmer opens the door. The man, somewhat nervously, said, “I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him.”

“Suit yourself,” the farmer replied, “the hens are round the back.” ...........................................................

 

[Coss]

An Englishwoman just back from the United States was telling her friends about the trip.

"When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a smile," she said.

"Why was he disappointed with the view?"

"No, he fell over the edge."................................................................

 

[hawg_ryder]

This should be in every one of them!

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[hawg_ryder]

Really! It's not...

.......


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[Coss]

If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once.

You get eaten once.

It takes four minutes to get hard, only two minutes to get soft.

You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all...

The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mom!

So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!

 

[Coss]

The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.

After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked, “I’ve always wanted to find out what’s worn under the kilt?”

The sentry replied, “There is nothing worn, Ma’am, it's all in perfect working order.”

 

[Coss]

One day a man was eating dinner at his girlfriend’s parents. The dog was under his chair and it barked while he was holding in a fart.

This startled the man and caused him to rip a small fart. The mom said, "Fido!"

Since the dog was receiving the blame he decided to rip a huge one. Again the mother said, "Fido! Go Away!”

Seeing as the dog was continuing to receive the blame he let out a wet, loud, and/or possibly deafening fart.
Then his girlfriend said, “Fido, you heard mom, leave before he shits on you!" .................................................................