Ty
Elio Addict
and yet, Ford is the only (big 3) manufacturer making good enough vehicles to keep them from going bankrupt...
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Jokes! ( Not Necessarily Work Safe )
- Thread starter Keith Dahl
- Start date
A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport.
After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293," he says.
"The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!!!"
The intercom falls silent. A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom.
"I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier," he says. "But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap."
"You should see the front of my pants!"
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"That's nothing," a passenger in coach shouted.
"You should see the back of mine!"
After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293," he says.
"The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!!!"
The intercom falls silent. A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom.
"I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier," he says. "But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap."
"You should see the front of my pants!"
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"That's nothing," a passenger in coach shouted.
"You should see the back of mine!"
Doug McDow
Elio Addict
booboo
Elio Addict
Did not get any laughs in the first place.
Second!
Second!
booboo
Elio Addict
BrianRosenthal
Elio Aficionado
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2014
- Messages
- 65
- Reaction score
- 198
On a similar thread, I have no idea where this came from but it's old enough to be audio only.
http://w3.uwyo.edu/~jimkirk/guidance.wav
This sounds like what inspired the Improbability Drive.
http://w3.uwyo.edu/~jimkirk/guidance.wav
This sounds like what inspired the Improbability Drive.
One day, a very attractive undergraduate visited the professor's office.
The undergraduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee "accidentally", etc.
Finally, the undergraduate said, "Professor, I really need to pass your course."
"It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I'll do anything you suggest."
The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention, replied, "Anything?"
To which the undergraduate cooed, "Yes, anything you say."
After some brief reflection, the professor asked, "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?"
The student lied, "Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then."
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The professor then advised, "Excellent! Professor Palmer is holding a help session for his students. Why don't you attend that."
The undergraduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee "accidentally", etc.
Finally, the undergraduate said, "Professor, I really need to pass your course."
"It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I'll do anything you suggest."
The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention, replied, "Anything?"
To which the undergraduate cooed, "Yes, anything you say."
After some brief reflection, the professor asked, "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?"
The student lied, "Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then."
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The professor then advised, "Excellent! Professor Palmer is holding a help session for his students. Why don't you attend that."
bowers baldwin
Elio Addict
- Joined
- May 2, 2014
- Messages
- 1,890
- Reaction score
- 4,667
Looks almost like the car I just bought, red wheels and all..
Mel
Elio Addict
A very attractive woman sidled up to a distinguished looking man in a bar. She leaned over and whispered softly into his ear;
"I'll do anything you want for $100. But you must describe in 3 words." The man thought for a minute, smiled, and said, "Paint My House!"
"I'll do anything you want for $100. But you must describe in 3 words." The man thought for a minute, smiled, and said, "Paint My House!"
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An elderly gentleman goes to the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist replies, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?"
The gentleman answers, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."
"That won’t do you any good," the pharmacist says.
"That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over ninety years old.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes."
The pharmacist replies, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?"
The gentleman answers, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."
"That won’t do you any good," the pharmacist says.
"That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over ninety years old.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes."